| Report for James Cooper | |
|---|---|
| Approved stories | 5 |
| Pending stories (hidden) | 1 |
| Rejected stories (hidden) | 4 |
| Deleted stories (hidden) | 10 |
| Summary | Mean Boy |
Tom (or 'Askew' as we like to call him (it means "not quite straight" apparently)) was the ugliest person I have ever seen. He had a huge nose that looks to have been grafted very poorly onto his face, terrible acne and perhaps the worst luck imaginable. Generally his mishaps were sex related (usually during 'onesomes'). These ranged from being conned into bringing a porn magazine into school so that we could grass him up for fun; being caught 'in good hands' by his Dad; getting jazz videos stuck in the machine and perhaps most sickeningly of all, shagging his bed.
"Why?" I can hear you cry. The truth is I don't know, don't know why he did it (it can't be very pleasureable surely) and don't know why he told someone (okay, me) about it, I was always going to tell someone (okay, everyone) about it wasn't I?
That'll teach him for calling me gay, the dirty bed shagger.
"Why?" I can hear you cry. The truth is I don't know, don't know why he did it (it can't be very pleasureable surely) and don't know why he told someone (okay, me) about it, I was always going to tell someone (okay, everyone) about it wasn't I?
That'll teach him for calling me gay, the dirty bed shagger.
Ste Sammons didn't even bother to make his lies interesting; for instance, a truck once ran over his foot. It didn't break anything, though.
Fucking phew.
Fucking phew.
There was a fat kid in my school called Thomas Heavyside.
Brilliant. - Jamie.
Brilliant. - Jamie.
Matty Johnson was visiting his equally vaucous and football-obsessed would-be criminal friend David Warburton one night at his home. Warby, keen to impress his friend, set about beating up his younger brother at various points during the evening.
At one point, Warby went off on his own to continue the job and had been gone some time. But when Matty went to investigate, what he actually heard was Warby's brother, ever so faintly saying, "stop it, David. It hurts", behind their closed bedroom door.
Naturally, it was assumed that Warby fucked his brother regularly and to commemorate this discovery, Billy Brown brought in a tape of that song that goes "he's my brother" and played it in the form room.
At one point, Warby went off on his own to continue the job and had been gone some time. But when Matty went to investigate, what he actually heard was Warby's brother, ever so faintly saying, "stop it, David. It hurts", behind their closed bedroom door.
Naturally, it was assumed that Warby fucked his brother regularly and to commemorate this discovery, Billy Brown brought in a tape of that song that goes "he's my brother" and played it in the form room.
I think this is like an 'organic' version of the old McDonalds urban myth.
James Basham worked on a farm for work experience, which involved a lot of working alone.
One day at the farm, he had a wank in a greenhouse.
I blame David Cameron, meself.
James Basham worked on a farm for work experience, which involved a lot of working alone.
One day at the farm, he had a wank in a greenhouse.
I blame David Cameron, meself.