| Report for Leigh Hall | |
|---|---|
| Approved stories | 3 |
| Rejected stories | 8 |
| Deleted stories (hidden) | 6 |
| Summary | Mean Boy |
"Measuring" was a boring half-hour session at primary school, in which we had a worksheet that tasked us with tasks such as "Draw a line 1.5cm long".
Gary use his to measure his cock. Colin who, in hindsight was probably a gaylord, offered to help, and marked in green felt where it rose to.
When it came to measuring in the future, the ruler with the green felt tip at the 8cm mark was one to be avoided.
Gary use his to measure his cock. Colin who, in hindsight was probably a gaylord, offered to help, and marked in green felt where it rose to.
When it came to measuring in the future, the ruler with the green felt tip at the 8cm mark was one to be avoided.
Mr Anstey - mild-mannered R.E. teacher faced an up-hill struggle every week. Nobody really cared about "what kind of lentils Muslins had for breakfast". What they were interested in was having the man endure squadrons of paper planes pelting his back, while he chalked up The Ten Commandments.
Mr Anstey: "Right. Pieces of paper are now 10p each!"
Class clown, after throwing a £1 coin at teacher and strolling up to grab a pile of paper: "OK. I'll take ten."
You see, on God & stuff he was mustard. Forecasting current trends in market forces, though - rubbish.
Mr Anstey: "Right. Pieces of paper are now 10p each!"
Class clown, after throwing a £1 coin at teacher and strolling up to grab a pile of paper: "OK. I'll take ten."
You see, on God & stuff he was mustard. Forecasting current trends in market forces, though - rubbish.
A particularly brutal game, quickly banned from our school playground, whereby two teams of wailing banshees would line up at opposite ends of the playground and join hands.
Team A would then sing:
"Red Rover, red rover send (Insert name) right over"
Upon receiving the invitation, the identified person would run, as fast as they could at the opposing "wall". The aim being to pick out a weak link on the way and charge it in order to break through. If you broke through then you returned to your team, if you got stopped you joined the opposing team. The winners being the team with the most people at the end of breaktime.
The game was banned when "Big James" was sent over, and picked out two small targets. A prudent move on his behalf, topped only by the more prudent getting-out-of-the-way move which introduced him, at full pace, to the wall.
Team A would then sing:
"Red Rover, red rover send (Insert name) right over"
Upon receiving the invitation, the identified person would run, as fast as they could at the opposing "wall". The aim being to pick out a weak link on the way and charge it in order to break through. If you broke through then you returned to your team, if you got stopped you joined the opposing team. The winners being the team with the most people at the end of breaktime.
The game was banned when "Big James" was sent over, and picked out two small targets. A prudent move on his behalf, topped only by the more prudent getting-out-of-the-way move which introduced him, at full pace, to the wall.
Annoying song we had to sing in French lessons, cunningly corrupted to make it funny.
Each verse dribbled on with depressing predictability to the final line of each verse which was
"J'ai receux boucoup de cadeux, et une boite de chocolat de mon Oncle Gilbert" (I make no apologies for my horrendous French since, as predicted, it has never been of use in my life!)
It was corrupted to
"J'ai receux boucoup de cadeux, et une botty chocolate de mon Oncle Gilbert"
After singing it, we obviously broke down laughing at our combined genius. This was ultimately made all the much better since the French teacher thought we were laughing due to some sort of appreciation of the joke that Uncle Gilbert always bought me a box of chocolates. And every verse! (Imagine).
Each verse dribbled on with depressing predictability to the final line of each verse which was
"J'ai receux boucoup de cadeux, et une boite de chocolat de mon Oncle Gilbert" (I make no apologies for my horrendous French since, as predicted, it has never been of use in my life!)
It was corrupted to
"J'ai receux boucoup de cadeux, et une botty chocolate de mon Oncle Gilbert"
After singing it, we obviously broke down laughing at our combined genius. This was ultimately made all the much better since the French teacher thought we were laughing due to some sort of appreciation of the joke that Uncle Gilbert always bought me a box of chocolates. And every verse! (Imagine).
Number 2 in the series of oft corrupted songs that we were forced to sing in French in order to give us some kind of incentive(?) to like the subject.
"Je suis un petit d'escargot, je pous a ouvir la mere" (Again, shit French, deal.)
Corrupted brilliantly to
"Je suis un petit d'escargot, je piss all over yer ma!"
Genius.
"Je suis un petit d'escargot, je pous a ouvir la mere" (Again, shit French, deal.)
Corrupted brilliantly to
"Je suis un petit d'escargot, je piss all over yer ma!"
Genius.
A game on the BBC computers at primary school. I forget what it was called, and what the point of it was, but every now and then the screen would fill up with chickens and eggs and then the question would be popped "What came first, the chicken or the egg?"
I never knew the answer.
I never knew the answer.
First swear word I ever used, aged about 7. Stuart (my mate), immediately ordered Emma (his mate) to go and grass on me. She grassed on me to the Dinner Lady (my Gran).
I missed 4 days of children's television as a result of choosing to use "the p word".
I missed 4 days of children's television as a result of choosing to use "the p word".
At Primary school, we had a strange habit of, despite being fairly warned otherwise, drinking directly out of the taps in the cloakroom. Now this was disgusting in itself, but we justified it, in our own way, by each having "our own" tap. Basically, me and a few other lads agreed not to drink out of each other's taps, thus making the entire exercise so much more hygienic.
One day, the cry of "drink from my tap, it tastes of chocolate" came across the cloakroom. This naive young lad came across, slightly bemused, "it never does?"
He was right, it tasted of soap. Cheep primary school soap.
And to think, I was actually hoping for chocolate?!
One day, the cry of "drink from my tap, it tastes of chocolate" came across the cloakroom. This naive young lad came across, slightly bemused, "it never does?"
He was right, it tasted of soap. Cheep primary school soap.
And to think, I was actually hoping for chocolate?!
Nickname for Lee. Lee was weird. One dinner time he found a jar in the cupboard that contained what looked like toe-nails. The rest of us, exercising understandable restraint, stayed well away. Lee? He ate a couple to see.
LANG came from something he used to shout, after slamming his elbows in to the table, when he was in trouble. Lee was weird.
LANG came from something he used to shout, after slamming his elbows in to the table, when he was in trouble. Lee was weird.
Gay little game played by girls and dinnerladies when it was wet at dinner time and we all had to sit in the classroom rather than being allowed to do manly things like jump in puddles.
The dinnerlady would send a girl out of the room, and a boy would be sent to check that she didn't look int the classroom. Then, the dinner lady would touch an object, for instance, my pen.
The girl would be called back in, and then the fun would begin. The dinnerlady, or someone else in cahoots with her, would go around the room, touching various objects and asking the previously banished person if the object they were touching was the one that they had selected in her absence.
A little bit of drama-class ohh-ing and ahh-ing helped convince the idiots amongst us that they were genuinely performing magic, as they deliberated over whether each selection would rock the very roots of our belief by being identified by the absentee.
Unpredictably enough, the name "Black Magic" holds the key to this street-corner bell-endery: the item that is touched AFTER a black coloured item, was the one that needed to be identified. We saw through this trick.
When we were told how it worked.
The dinnerlady would send a girl out of the room, and a boy would be sent to check that she didn't look int the classroom. Then, the dinner lady would touch an object, for instance, my pen.
The girl would be called back in, and then the fun would begin. The dinnerlady, or someone else in cahoots with her, would go around the room, touching various objects and asking the previously banished person if the object they were touching was the one that they had selected in her absence.
A little bit of drama-class ohh-ing and ahh-ing helped convince the idiots amongst us that they were genuinely performing magic, as they deliberated over whether each selection would rock the very roots of our belief by being identified by the absentee.
Unpredictably enough, the name "Black Magic" holds the key to this street-corner bell-endery: the item that is touched AFTER a black coloured item, was the one that needed to be identified. We saw through this trick.
When we were told how it worked.
One muppet at my school told this story and when I laughed at him on the grounds that "Gremlins" had been on that very week, he cried and I got done.
When I told the teacher how I had upset him, he got bollocked for making up "horrible stories". Ha.
When I told the teacher how I had upset him, he got bollocked for making up "horrible stories". Ha.