A pastime that involved placing one hand, palm outwards, on the top of your head and the other hand held in place between your teeth by the skin between the thumb and forefinger. In this pose you would run around the yard making a loud squeaking sound. When you approached a victim you would take the hand out of the mouth and hit the victim in the testicles then quickly replace the hand and run off squeaking. The victim had then been 'Yampy-Batted'. The only way to become a Yampy was to draw a bat - not unlike the one on Batman's bat-signal - on your arm with a pen. Anyone not so marked was a potential victim.

Used to express disbelief. Also;
Yeah, and my dad drives a tank
Yeah, and my brother can dance on clouds
Yeah, and I can walk through parsley.
Yeah, and I've never eaten a Kit Kat.
The last one turned out to be a bastard ruse from a kid with a rubbish packed lunch who wanted to eat some of my Kit Kat.

An amusing sticker I found on the back of a pupil, authored and stuck there by Damon Lumley (15) who is still rightfully proud of his creation. I felt this was particularly noteworthy due to it's rejoiceful nature set against the subtlety and moderation of the latter part.

Whistful Carribean folk song that we were forced to sing in tuesday morning singing group. Such was the gusto which myself and my friend Philip sang (in thick and poor quality Jamaican accents)that we were asked to come up onto the stage to demonstrate our vocal talents to the rest of the class. While our enthusiasm had got us picked out for special praise, our inclusion of "Oooohkeeey mon!" between each verse only led to the head's office by a "deeply disappointed" music teacher.

10 Person spots a yellow car. These are the rarest and most noteworthy cars of all.
20 Person who spotted the yellow car says "Yellow car!" and punches the person sat next to them on the arm.
30 Go to 10

Note that the game is called yellow car, not yellow van or yellow truck or yellow bus. Only Jews call commercial vehicles.

An insult levelled by Alan Blackburn based on his premature puberty, which afforded him thick, lustrous pubic hair and a constant jet of white wee (as opposed to yellow cum) gushing from his cock.

Such an unexpected couplet, that you can shout them out in class - with the teacher present - in a distorted fashion so that it's not quite identifiable enough to punish.

A trip to Yemen requires the following:
1. A coat to cover the traveller’s head, so that he can’t see. You must then hit his head a lot, generally a constant, reasonably gentle slapping.
2. During the slapping the travel guide informs the voyager that he is "going to Yemen", where he must "demand the release of Muhammad Akbar". Meanwhile, keep saying the wise words "Yemeny Yemeny Yemeny".
3. Two assistants hold the coat in place while the tourist is carried around, upside down and spinning in all axes.
4. He should be left in a new and interesting place to pull the coat from his face. Wherever you left him, for the purposes of this exercise, is “Yemen”.
Not that cruel, not painful, just baffling.

Translates to "your mother is a paramilitary terrorist and your father claims income support" This is an "all in one" insult. You have insulted both the parents, their financial income and class level, the fact that their father wasn't "hard enough" to be in the "RA" and that their mother is a terrorist. Both Catholics and Protestants could therefore use it. If only everything was so even-handed.

An instance of desk-writing, which evolved into a strange kind of soap-opera. One morning, we found written on one of our desks, "Yesterday my girlfriend sucked my cock" in big black letters with a ring round it. The next day, a smaller ring had attached itself to the first, containing the words, "Today I took her from behind." The next day: "I took her from the front." Each day new messages were added, until the entire desk was covered. Some gems I have remembered included, "I like shaved pussies," the contradictory "actually I like hairy pussies best," and the informative "There are several meanings for the word 'pussy.'"

A playground dialect employed to signify that you mean the opposite of what you’re actually saying. The technique is achieved by pulling your lower lip back over your bottom teeth, and making a whooshing sound as if you’re describing how something has flown across a room (such as a paper aeroplane or frail child). You have to pronounce each letter ‘s’, and the end of each word where possible, using this method. Sounds complex but it’s easily done.

Let us illustrate this with an example.

Kid A: Look at the state of David Barnes’ [bag / coat / shoes / pretty much anything you care to mention]. What a fucking gyppo.
Kid B: Yeah I know. He’schh not a shcruffy cunt at allschh.
Kid A: He doeschhn’t schhtink of schhit muchschh.
Kid B: And hiscch houseschh is dead cleanschh.

Using Yish, Kids A & B have successfully pointed out that David Barnes is in fact a dirty, smelly, scruffy tramp from whom, by inadvertently smelling his breath, you would certainly catch Aids. Yish can also be used safe in the knowledge that if you are overheard by a teacher when ‘praising’ something in this way, the teacher is unlikely to be bothered to find out if you are being sincere or not.

Warning: Yish is not effective as a comeback if you are accused of being gay. It is no use simply saying ‘yeschh I’m really gayschh’, because that just means you really ARE gay, and therefore deserving of a kicking and having everybody find out that you’ve bummed your dad. No reason, it just DOES.

... and we hate you,

Mum.

My sisters and I wrote this in my brother's school diary after tippexing out the real message our poor mother had written.

A fire had been started in the library during afternoon break. Mr Welch, deputy head, wasn't happy with this and called an immediate assembly in order to capture the culprit. A full half hour of shouting abuse followed from the funny little Mr Welch who got progressively more and more angry and red in the face. We just sat there in silence until Neil asked Chris the time. Mr Welch heard this break of silence, stared at Neil and tried to shout "YOU BOY!" while pointing at him. Unfortunately his anger took control of his legs and propelled him forward, off the stage, and into a group of frightened first years at the front of the hall. For the next year, the whole school proceeded to fall off various things, shouting "YOU BOY!" Indeed, the process was revived when I met up with old school friends at college 5 or 6 years later.

An insult invented by Mark Dunst and lasted for some years in secondary; just another average obscenity to shout at friends and squares.

Your hand is a fridge. Encourage a friend to open the fridge, and browse the many tiny and invisible bottles of milk. Gently goad them into removing one of the bottles of milk, and drinking it. When they do, look knowing and snigger, eventually telling them that they chose the bottle that you'd weed into. When I did this, the "joker" would put their hand over their face in absolute horror at the prospect, or perhaps because they had just said "wee". This leads me to believe we were quite young. Be careful, though - if they haven't mimed a swallow, they could spit your invisible wee back into your face.

One of a range of questions that will generally be followed by a lingering, horrified silence. The questioner will discover that no, no one knew, and that he had, in fact, made a terrible blunder that would haunt him for the rest of his days.

Bizarre game. Simple to do, tough to explain. Person A makes statement. You say 'You what?' They repeat statement, and you just double it. An example; A : I'm just going for a shit. B : You what? A : I'm just going for a shit. B : WHAT!? You're going for TWO shits!? You could get out of it by saying 'Just the once' before you spoke. Lasted ages.

A phrase which my Foods teacher said about a jar of mustard that was nearly empty.
My friend Amy found this phrase inexplicably funny and repeated it at least once every Foods lesson, which was annoying until she said it out loud after the teacher announced that she was having a baby.

Slur to be directed at any classmate with skin a shade or two darker than the WASP majority. Direct with equal voracity at those of African, Indian or Middle Eastern descent.
The outrageous falsity in declaring a Pakistani to be a member of the negroid race is more than made up for by the fact that it rhymes.

Telling a bully that he is bullying you is one of the less effective way of stopping the bullying. You are most likely to get punched for the unnecessary commentary.
Employed with this exact effect by one Stuart Bywater, who perhaps believed the bully would look at his fist and say "God, and bullying's wrong, isn't it?" then become a fucking architect or something.

A mantra-like whittling process, designed to prevent lower years from attempting to have any dealings with those above them.
"Excuse me but can you tell.."
YOU'RE GAY!
"I'm late for class..."
YOU'RE GAY!
"but I want.."
GAY!
"but.."YOU'REGAY!
"I.."
YOU'RE GAY!
Talking to you like that! Where do gay people get off? (The answer is in hedges.)

Used when someone demonstrated a fierce temper, or threatened someone, and eventually for no real reason at all.
After the victim had acted hard or tried to be tough in some way, a chorus of people would shout 'Oooooh, you're hard, where's your handbag?', and then run away doing the John Inman limp wrist thing.

Response by girls to absolutely anything a boy says or does that is in anyway funny, interesting or unorthodox. My answer was that I was releasing my inner child, which was in fact a very mature thing to do indeed.

A game similar to speednob, but without the speed element. Simply steal the book, folder, homework diary and draw a cock at your leisure, with the caption "You've been boabyed!". Boaby being Scottish slang for a dick.
(Wasn't there a character called Fat Boab in the Oor Wullie cartoon? And wasn't his other mate called Soapy? So Willy hangs out with a soapy fat cock? Is this a commonly known thing in Scotland that I've only just worked out? - Log)

These terms describe the status of small pieces of screwed up paper that were flicked on missions into the hair of those on the desks in front.
Upon flicking, the time was noted, and the duration of survival within the hair recorded in the back of an exercise book.
Brand new pieces of paper were referred to as "young'uns", while retrieved survivors were known as "veterans" and reassigned to future missions.
Although longer survival times could be achieved in dense, curly hair, greater kudos was bestowed upon veterans of campaigns fought in more barren terrain, such as sleek newly-washed hair or a skinhead.
As comptition increased, it was found that these hair-based paper commandos could be modified via the addition of paper spikes for greater friction. And then the arms race began.