Our PE teacher often made everyone who was shit at football (me included) compete against the actual football team. It's never been clear to this day, what he was actually trying to achieve by this.
I remember one day, I made a woefully feeble yet heroic attempt at a goal, which was easily deflected by our opponents. Taking his job seriously, our captain explained to me about the taking part being rather more important than the winning.
My response to this was to run around the pitch, attacking members of the non-shit team with my bare fists, tears in my eyes and roaring at the top of my voice. It still hurts now. Hurts bad... So bad...

I once stuck a 'Rape Me' sign to a classmate's back, which had the entire technical drawing class in hysteric in about three seconds.
I'm certain that we all enjoyed the sign on many levels, not least of which the logical paradox of a request for non-consensual sex.
However, the teacher just rolled his eyes, and muttered something about "primary school humour".
Like under 10s are tuned into the nuances of rape jokes, sir. Like that's the case. Sir.

A further alternative was:
Pupil : Sixteen
Mr. MacPherson : You nit!
Pupil : Sorry, sir - sixteen Joules
Here, the amusing similarity between 'unit' (the missing unit of measurement) and the ludicrously mild term of abuse 'You Nit' assured hilarity. *cough* As did said Mr. MacPherson's habit of calling Richard Williams 'Willy Bums'.

This is great fun, we normally did it to cunt kids with big chins, we used to get them on the ground then we got a group of people to spit in his mouth then started poking at his face saying "HAHAHA you now have AIDS you have technolcally kissed loads of males you willy wufter" then kicked them in the face for old time sakes.

(More stream of consciousness fun can be found at Bob Mara's website, Kerrap. Please, no-one else emulate Bob Mara's style in their entries - his is a unique voice. - Log)

My version of this solved the columns problem, keeping it eyecatching in a different way
*FX 13,6
*KEY 10 O.|MRUN|M
10 MODE 2
20 COLOUR RND(7)+1
30 PRINT "FUCK OFF ";
40 GOTO 20

And other variations thereof. Including bringing in a copy of Superior Software's Speech program and adding 35 IF RND(10) = 1 THEN *SAY FUCK OFF

No-wonder I was always beaten up for being a geek.

The fact that "plastic" rhymes with "spastic" led to some speculation that Scopers were made out of the stuff.

Half a pound of nuts and bolts,
Half a pound of plastic.
Stick them in the washing machine,
Out pops a spastic!

The single redeeming feature of this rhyme is the jubilant bursting out of the washing machine by the freshly manufactured spastic. You could almost imagine him with a rose between his teeth and jazz hands.

A drama class game. Played in pairs, person A would ask person B "What are you doing?" and person B would respond with anything, be it "playing a trombone" or "flailing my arms as if without motor function". Person A then had to mime whatever B had said.
The game was lent a spicy edge when one plucky can-do player answered "your mum", leaving his friend with no option but to mime doing his own mother.

Another name for a circumcised boy, the foreskin being 50% of the weight, volume, and joy of the male sexual organ, or winkle.

In Latin, cum means "with". There was a particular way of constructing a phrase where it took on a different meaning; eg "word" cum "word" cum "word" The middle word, therefore, is in a cum sandwich

Alas, the teachers at my school were wise to such cock-japery, so on the last day of term nobody was allowed out on the field. But wait! We were wise to such anti-cock-japery measures, so we'd already smuggled in a tin of paintstripper. Net result: one giant, spurting cock on the floor of the assembly hall. Score!