Young John claimed to have tried "slap".
Though this may not have been true before, it most certainly was after.

Apparently, there's a variant of this game, in which you have to say "anal fist fuck". A few people have emailed to tell me this. The stakes are substantially higher on this one, and I'm curious to know if there are any even more extreme versions.

I'm proud to day that I was the guitarist in the Purple Headed Warriors. Which is an even worse band name than that of a bunch of nutters I once met called ZX Rectum.

A cruel and unusual punishment, wherein the intended victim is held very firmly to the floor. Then, whoever has the sweatiest ringpeice pulls down his own pants and gently lowers it onto the nose of the receiver. Why this is called a Queenie, I don't know.

Quite simply the coolest thing anyone could ever have. Apart from mag wheels. And the memorised code for infinite lives and level selection on Manic Miner.

Alligator => Masturbator
Crododile => Peadophile
Other creatures in the "Goodbye, sweetheart" range include "In a minute, donkey's winnit", "See you soon, Ken Boon", "Au revoir, pig in a bra", and "Auf Wiedersehen, Hitler's brain".
Not to mention "Cheers, Deers", "Caio, Cow", and "B'Bye, F'fly".
I'm sorry, I took a fairly naff entry and made it three times worse. Oops - Log

During a GCSE Science lesson we devised a test of endurance.. First you need around 15-20 paper clips and a 12volt power source (although we did make a 9v portable version, it had a very limited battery life). Next string the paper clips together and attach them like a beard - over your chin with the ends of the chain coming down behind your ears. Now attach the power source - the winner, naturally, is the one who can withstand the agony for longest.

I believe that all of you need to brush up on your lingo. A good source of information would be the Atlas of Practical Proctology.
Correct terms involve: abnormal seepage, foreign excreta, unobstructed flow or cadbury marble.
Here's two I made up: 'Spink' (a shortening of pink spunk in the same way 'Spam' is a shortening of spiced ham); and, if there's a brown tinge and you're feeling continental, 'ejaculaffe au lait'. - Mansh

The unfortunate act of, whilst attempting to create a winning skier, over-estimating the optimum penis angle, resulting in a shower of piss coming down on your own head. The most admired skier practitioners would gain respect by pushing the envelope and coming dangerously close to a Lucozade but still managing to win the competition with dry hair.

Hold out your palm and tell someone that you have a three inch man standing there. Ask them to tap the man on the head. Then ask them to shake his little hand. Then ask them to close their eyes and poke the man up his little arse. At this point you quickly place your pursed lips where the man's arse would be, so your friend sticks his finger in your puckered, wet arsemouth.
At this point, your friend will probably open their eyes, as they weren't expecting the little invisible man to have a tangibly wet anus. You will be looking up to see their reaction, pretty much like a dog. It's difficult to know who's in the most undignified position, really.