| Report for Mike Gavin | |
|---|---|
| Approved stories | 3 |
| Rejected stories | 16 |
| Deleted stories (hidden) | 5 |
| Summary | Mean Boy |
Our chicken george was a successful businessman, until one day he decided he couldn't take it anymore and decided that sleeping under a motorway was the way forward. Sod the wife & kids, i want dreds and to reek of piss, he thought. And hats off to him for that. Shops in Tesco's. Has a rucksack.
I'm fairly sure it was the egg, but i could be wrong.
Bud bud ding ding two ninety-nine,
Went to the market, waste of time.
Asked for a lemon, got a lime,
Bud bud ding ding two ninety-nine.
Went to the market, waste of time.
Asked for a lemon, got a lime,
Bud bud ding ding two ninety-nine.
Colditz was also a game played indoors, preferably in a room full of furniture. Rules as follows:
Take one room. Pile tables, chairs, anything in the middle of it to form a baricade. One person is the guard, the others are prisoners trying to escape. Tha aim was to climb through the wreckage with all the lights off making as little noise as possible, if you made a noise the guard would shine a torch at you, and if you were caught moving you were out. And also trapped under about three tables.
Unsurprisingly this game wasn't so popular with whoever had to tidy it up afterwards.
Take one room. Pile tables, chairs, anything in the middle of it to form a baricade. One person is the guard, the others are prisoners trying to escape. Tha aim was to climb through the wreckage with all the lights off making as little noise as possible, if you made a noise the guard would shine a torch at you, and if you were caught moving you were out. And also trapped under about three tables.
Unsurprisingly this game wasn't so popular with whoever had to tidy it up afterwards.
could, and forever will.
I also invented this. For some reason you had to shout "don't cross the streams!" beforehand, as doing so would lead to a fate worse than death - the realisation that it does absolutely nothing.
Also can be used in the past tense to show one's triumph in pranking. Example - Waking up my sleeping friend with an airhorn, then gleefully shouting "I've done him!" to your applauding (though slightly deafened) audience, while the aforementioned friend wonders what that soft feeling in his pants is.
Surely Saving Private Ryan evokes memories of the dust cloud? When did you begin dusting? If this was years back and you were pre-emptively remembering films yet to come, I think you might have a pretty nifty gift there.
Also the name of a game played by my cub scouts group, before we all realised that cub scouts were slightly gay.
The game involved grabbing all the furniture we could find (the place was packed with wooden chairs and fold-out tables) and piling it all up to create a barrier across the middle of the room. All the lights would be switched off, and the elderly scout leader would then stand at one end and shine torches at us whenever he heard a sound. If we were caught moving, we were out of the game. Of course, this lead to more noise and pushing furniture about onto each other. Several hundred splinters and a few serious injuries later, they put a stop to the game. Possibly because one night we piled furniture up at corners of the room into forts, and threw plastic skittles at each other until someone got hit in the eye.
The game involved grabbing all the furniture we could find (the place was packed with wooden chairs and fold-out tables) and piling it all up to create a barrier across the middle of the room. All the lights would be switched off, and the elderly scout leader would then stand at one end and shine torches at us whenever he heard a sound. If we were caught moving, we were out of the game. Of course, this lead to more noise and pushing furniture about onto each other. Several hundred splinters and a few serious injuries later, they put a stop to the game. Possibly because one night we piled furniture up at corners of the room into forts, and threw plastic skittles at each other until someone got hit in the eye.
Due to my short hair, and the fact you could see my scalp through it, I was subject to taunts by the group at the front of the science class that i had a bald patch. Not only that, but that it would move. This lead to the song:
Gavin and his bald patch
Who knows where it'll be next?
One minute it's here,
One minute it's there.
Gavin with his bald patch on his head!
which was sang at very frequent intervals, and even performed at a local pub's open mic night.
It wasn't until later that I discovered all this had started because I'd been hanging around with one of their girlfriends and he'd been jealous. Oh life.
Gavin and his bald patch
Who knows where it'll be next?
One minute it's here,
One minute it's there.
Gavin with his bald patch on his head!
which was sang at very frequent intervals, and even performed at a local pub's open mic night.
It wasn't until later that I discovered all this had started because I'd been hanging around with one of their girlfriends and he'd been jealous. Oh life.
we had a "butterfly garden".
it's basically either an area of the field that's overgrown/fenced off/has a small puddle of water that gets called a pond.
fascinating stuff.
it's basically either an area of the field that's overgrown/fenced off/has a small puddle of water that gets called a pond.
fascinating stuff.
A horizontal variation on binning involved trapping Ben Egan in a small cupboard with glass sliding doors. After we got bored of looking at him, we turned the cupboard to face the wall.
bud bud ding ding two ninety-nine,
went to the grocer's, waste of time.
asked for a lemon, got a lime,
bud bud ding ding two ninety-nine.
went to the grocer's, waste of time.
asked for a lemon, got a lime,
bud bud ding ding two ninety-nine.
After teaching the class that black surfaces absorb light, this concept caused my science teacher to leave the room for a good ten minutes.
I like to imagine that she ran around every other classroom in the building, saying "how can black things be shiny?"
I like to imagine that she ran around every other classroom in the building, saying "how can black things be shiny?"
Here's John Sweet being serenaded on all but one days of the year, whereas all my friends forgot my birthday. Oh cruel fate, made even crueller by the fact I'd chipped in for presents for some of them just weeks earlier. Bastards.
We named the geek in our class Comedy Dave, after a Radio 1 dj he sounded nothing like, despite the original claim that sparked it. It was good because not only did he never have anything funny to say, but he also was named Ben.
unless you're at a urinal, like one kid in our class. anything more than two shakes is too much, shaun.
If girls become wary of you when you tell them that there is a spider in their hair, you can convince them that no, really - there really is a spider in their hair this time - by saying "no, really - there really is a spider in your hair this time".
If more persuasion is required;
Level 1 : There is a spider in your hair.
Level 2 : No really - there really is a spider in your hair this time.
Level 3 : Oh God, there's a really big spider in your hair. Everyone, come and look at the really big spider!
Level 4 : It... it looks like it's laying eggs...
Level 5 : Look, I know I've been saying this a lot recently, and at the back of my mind, I realised a time would come when one day, you really might have a spider in your hair. I think I was hiding from that possibility, hoping it would never come, because I knew you wouldn't believe me when I told you. But honestly, this time, there is a massive spider in your hair, and from the markings I think it's poisonous. I don't expect you to believe me, I guess I've dug my own grave in that respect, but please - please seek help regarding the oversized spider that's running amok in your lovely hair. You must tell me your hairdresser, by the way.
If more persuasion is required;
Level 1 : There is a spider in your hair.
Level 2 : No really - there really is a spider in your hair this time.
Level 3 : Oh God, there's a really big spider in your hair. Everyone, come and look at the really big spider!
Level 4 : It... it looks like it's laying eggs...
Level 5 : Look, I know I've been saying this a lot recently, and at the back of my mind, I realised a time would come when one day, you really might have a spider in your hair. I think I was hiding from that possibility, hoping it would never come, because I knew you wouldn't believe me when I told you. But honestly, this time, there is a massive spider in your hair, and from the markings I think it's poisonous. I don't expect you to believe me, I guess I've dug my own grave in that respect, but please - please seek help regarding the oversized spider that's running amok in your lovely hair. You must tell me your hairdresser, by the way.
One of the boys in my PE class let slip one lesson that he had five nipples. This was verified by all, but in our haste to count we forgot to check if they were inverted or not. Opportunity wasted. Topic for bullying gained.