| Report for Deacon Gusset | |
|---|---|
| Approved stories | 2 |
| Summary | Perfectly Exquisite |
How to tell if you have fleas
- If you smell of alsatian wee and chip fat, you have fleas.
- If you are poor, you probably smell of alsatian wee and chip fat. See above.
- If you bring your lunch to school in a bread bag, or get free school meals, you are probably poor. See above.
- If you sat next to Karen Bachelor in class, you now have fleas.
Note: Having fleas is worse than having nits or AIDS, because even a dirty haired gay would not bum a dog.
- If you smell of alsatian wee and chip fat, you have fleas.
- If you are poor, you probably smell of alsatian wee and chip fat. See above.
- If you bring your lunch to school in a bread bag, or get free school meals, you are probably poor. See above.
- If you sat next to Karen Bachelor in class, you now have fleas.
Note: Having fleas is worse than having nits or AIDS, because even a dirty haired gay would not bum a dog.
The headmaster of my school, for reasons known only to himself, agreed to appear on a local radio phone-in one Sunday evening. Word had got around, so much so that almost the entire program was taken up of items like this:
Host: Our next caller is a Mr. Madeupname, of Kenilworth. Mr Madeupname do you have a question for Mr. Strover?
Caller: Fu... *cut off*
Host: Oh, that's just silly. Our next caller is a Mr. Obvious Pseudonym from Warwick. Mr Pseudonym?
Caller: Bas.. *cut off*
And repeat.
The only pupil who managed to get through was some utter keeno who had a real, and indescribably dull, question to do with school funding.
Host: Our next caller is a Mr. Madeupname, of Kenilworth. Mr Madeupname do you have a question for Mr. Strover?
Caller: Fu... *cut off*
Host: Oh, that's just silly. Our next caller is a Mr. Obvious Pseudonym from Warwick. Mr Pseudonym?
Caller: Bas.. *cut off*
And repeat.
The only pupil who managed to get through was some utter keeno who had a real, and indescribably dull, question to do with school funding.