| Report for Tuppence | |
|---|---|
| Approved stories | 4 |
| Summary | Perfectly Exquisite |
Something all children are not in the least adept at. For example writing "Madame Bishop est un cons" on the front of your own French exercise book in really small letters. Didn't have the first idea how I was going to spend the time in all those detentions. Other examples include spending all your mother's change on bubblegum when she knows how much change to expect and you're not allowed to chew bubblegum. And coming back smelling of it. And your mum having a temper like Carrie.
Hyperthetical concept of a person naked on all fours, violent diarrhoea and flatulence spitting from their raw anus. A wet, "Aero-like" bubbling build-up starts to form, much like comedy-broken-washing-machines' output only brown and bad. If the person stays still, this shitty foam will harden into a frothcake which can be served in slices. I was old enough to have known better by the time this concept was invented.
After playing "speednob" on your exercise book, one method of correction was making them look like Norman soldiers. This is done by extending the 'jap line' down beyond the 'head line', making the nose guard of the Normal helmet, and adding a face. Additional realism could be achieved by adding a little arm holding a spear or sword, and shield.
A craze that went on for far too long was getting urgently catching someone's attention, then saying "nothing" as though they were cretins for asking. It went a little something like this: "Hey John! John!" "Yes, Tuppence?" "Nothing" (cue laughter)