| Report for Roger Yumum | |
|---|---|
| Approved stories | 2 |
| Rejected stories | 3 |
| Deleted stories (hidden) | 1 |
| Summary | Could Try Harder |
Silas Humphries was in the year above me at school, and was a certified nutter. He used to do stuff like randomly shouting at people to stop staring at him, but it was the rumours that were best. One was that he put his hamster in the microwave to see what would happen. A variation on this was that he fed his hamster lemonade because apparently they can't burp, so it died in a horrible spontaneous combustion type thing. Similar to this was the rumour that he fed baking powder to pigeons (how?) to create a similar effect to the fate of his poor hamster. This stuff was great piss-taking fodder for nasty normal boys of 13, so every possible opportunity was taken to ask him what he did to his hamster. He used to go totally mental, which was always funny after having run away from the big freak. I've seen his family, they look like the twits crossed with cavemen. I bet he's in care right now.
One day, aged 13 or so, Adam 'buttface' Walters had a few people over at his house. He thought of a good way to show off to his mates. So he tossed off his dog infront of them. Of course, the shocked spectators promptly told everyone at school and then rumours abounded that there had also been some oral action. To this day, we still don't know if he managed to make it come.
Daniel Grossett was cursed with a lisp from birth. He was cursed with being short. He was cursed, some might say, with being one of only three black kids in the whole school.
Daniel Grossett was able to overcome his seeming handicaps by developing an incredibly violent temper, and would regularly administer swift and bloody beatings to would-be bullies.
Chief among his protagonists was Dale, another of the black kids, who was rewarded for his taunting by being stabbed in the head with a compass. They do say black on black crime is the most common. They're probably both in prison now.
Daniel Grossett was able to overcome his seeming handicaps by developing an incredibly violent temper, and would regularly administer swift and bloody beatings to would-be bullies.
Chief among his protagonists was Dale, another of the black kids, who was rewarded for his taunting by being stabbed in the head with a compass. They do say black on black crime is the most common. They're probably both in prison now.
1997, and Si Ogden's German exchange partner was over, and was sitting in our physics lesson. He hadn't chosen very carefully, as he sat infront of Ed Noble and Lamma, best mates and bastards to the bone. They took one big blue battery pack, a wire from the positive terminal, and one from the negative, then joined them together on the back of Fritz's neck, causing them to short out and send a 9 volt charge into his head. He whirled round and for a moment we pictured him in a grey uniform, riding crop in hand, as he screamed " ARE YOU STUPID IN ZE BRAIN??!!" So physics can be fun!
In the 2nd year, Ed Pinto copied everyone's taste in music, so we invented a rock group called Triangle Sex Gods, complete with their own logo. We talked about them for weeks, mentioning the imminent release of their new single and album until Ed finally started claiming he'd heard them and that they were great. When we revealed the nature of our ploy, he denied it all, like the little twat that he was.