| Report for Gareth Thomas | |
|---|---|
| Approved stories | 7 |
| Pending stories (hidden) | 1 |
| Rejected stories (hidden) | 2 |
| Deleted stories (hidden) | 7 |
| Summary | Could Try Harder |
After one class exercise, we were allowed to decide on the winner of a poster-making competition by judging each other's posters. This was designed to encourage a feeling of interaction, fairness, and "having a say".
What in fact happened was an immediate orgy of bribery, blackmail and violence in an attempt to get full marks. Ahh... organised crime.
What in fact happened was an immediate orgy of bribery, blackmail and violence in an attempt to get full marks. Ahh... organised crime.
"I was driving my car the other day, and your mum stepped out in front of me. By the time I swerved round her I'd run out of petrol."
Ignoring the fact that schoolkids rarely drive cars except in the wilder reaches of Liverpool, this is a good practical illustration of the vastness of someone's momma, and as such we can forgive a certain amount of poetic licence on the part of the perpetrator.
Ignoring the fact that schoolkids rarely drive cars except in the wilder reaches of Liverpool, this is a good practical illustration of the vastness of someone's momma, and as such we can forgive a certain amount of poetic licence on the part of the perpetrator.
If you are a fat kid, and it is approaching time for PE, the following excuses are most convincing;
Just try not to run too fast to the coke machine once you've been excused.
- twisted ankles - and no wonder, supporting that vast bulk
- nausea - both from unaccustomed physical exertion, and the body's natural way to make room for more delicious food
- stomach ache - and with that much stomach, it's statistically certain that some of it must ache, although this is often interpreted by fat children as hunger with the cry "I can't do volleyball, I'm hungry"
Just try not to run too fast to the coke machine once you've been excused.
Miss Williams was the Textile Beast. So called because she taught Textiles, and was some sort of beast who hunted anyone who went near her eggs, which she kept in the roof. Eventually it turned out she wore latex feet to cover up her hooves and she could sprout wings if attacked from above. She would lay eggs using a needle-like gland that came out of her anus and she would inject foetusses into eggshells that she made from the bones of those who angered her.
Please note that the Egg Gland came out of her anus.
Please note that the Egg Gland came out of her anus.
A rumour spread like wildfire, that "a Triad" was waiting outside, at the school gate and was killing anybody who tried to leave. This was "proved" by a first year who's mate had just been beaten up by the Triad, and that he had nunchucks and Uzis in the boot of his car, and everything.
It was later suggested that the Oriental looking man, waiting to collect his child, may not have actually been a member of the Triads.
It was later suggested that the Oriental looking man, waiting to collect his child, may not have actually been a member of the Triads.
In one Year 6 computer lesson, we were told to search for various things on Ask Jeeves. At the time I believed that if you input a question - any question - it would come up with a straightforward answer. I inserted "Why is Tom Scott so fat?"
My computer froze. I bashed away at buttons. It didn't work. Rather than simply turn off my computer, I ran around the room persuading classmates to insert the same question into the search engine. Nobody's computer froze except mine. I then tried to persuade the teacher that it must be some massive international problem and it was just a coincidence that the one person out of the 6 billion on Earth whose name was stuck in the search engine was in her class. She said she believed me.
My computer froze. I bashed away at buttons. It didn't work. Rather than simply turn off my computer, I ran around the room persuading classmates to insert the same question into the search engine. Nobody's computer froze except mine. I then tried to persuade the teacher that it must be some massive international problem and it was just a coincidence that the one person out of the 6 billion on Earth whose name was stuck in the search engine was in her class. She said she believed me.
"I might get stoned, just for the inspiration" was what I heard one girl say to another before a practical art exam, obviously thinking that some cannabis would be just the thing to induce an 'art trance' and allow her to produce a work of complex, challenging psychedelia.
Well, the world was obviously not ready for her, as she ended up getting kicked out for attempting to spit paint at the canvas. Whether she was high or not remains a mystery.
Well, the world was obviously not ready for her, as she ended up getting kicked out for attempting to spit paint at the canvas. Whether she was high or not remains a mystery.