| Report for Het Phillips | |
|---|---|
| Approved stories | 5 |
| Rejected stories (hidden) | 10 |
| Deleted stories (hidden) | 11 |
| Summary | Mean Boy |
We were obviously less sophisticated at my school, where "opening the gate" would merely result in being punched in the face.
A triumph of substance over style.
A triumph of substance over style.
Having both forgotten our swimming kits, a friend and I searched around for something - anything - that could help us avoid the inevitable splashing about in pissy water wearing some gippos' swimming cozzies from lost property.
We ransacked our bags for something to help us get out of PE. Unfortunately, the best we could do was a lowly packet of Strepsils. Clinging to the forelorn hope that the packet's warning against eating too many Strepsils in a 24 hour period would cause illness or some kind of allergic reaction, we devoured the entire packet of the potentially lethal lozenges beween us.
Not a lot happened. We didn't choke on our swollen tracheas, or experience even the slightest form of anaphylactic shock. And so it was that we found ourselves swimming in pissy water wearing gippos' swimming cozzies from lost property. The inevitable tabloid headline "School's Shocking Strepils Suicides" would have been less embarrassing.
We ransacked our bags for something to help us get out of PE. Unfortunately, the best we could do was a lowly packet of Strepsils. Clinging to the forelorn hope that the packet's warning against eating too many Strepsils in a 24 hour period would cause illness or some kind of allergic reaction, we devoured the entire packet of the potentially lethal lozenges beween us.
Not a lot happened. We didn't choke on our swollen tracheas, or experience even the slightest form of anaphylactic shock. And so it was that we found ourselves swimming in pissy water wearing gippos' swimming cozzies from lost property. The inevitable tabloid headline "School's Shocking Strepils Suicides" would have been less embarrassing.
My friend Vicky used to wait until you were filling your name in the box at the top of an exam paper, before leaning over and muttering the name of a male teacher in your ear. If you were concentrating on ponies and weren't paying attention you might write HIS surname after YOUR OWN first name. Then, it might look as if you'd just made a Freudian slip expressing your desire to marry the hideous old ghet. Bleuchhhh!!!!
I got to use that one when asked if my mum knew I was out dressed like that.
In your face, record shop owner.
Still burns, does it, Het? Actually, even after all these years, it's still plainly obvious that the record shop owner won THAT round. AND he owned a RECORD SHOP. If THAT'S not coming first in the lottery of life, frankly I don't know what IS. - Mansh
In your face, record shop owner.
Still burns, does it, Het? Actually, even after all these years, it's still plainly obvious that the record shop owner won THAT round. AND he owned a RECORD SHOP. If THAT'S not coming first in the lottery of life, frankly I don't know what IS. - Mansh
In 6th form I bought a toy panda from the Nick Park 'Creature Comforts' animal range, made a 'Y' incision, took out the stuffing, made cuddly guts stuffed with the self-same fibres recently taken from its innards, and added a zip. This was then presented to my friend Beth at Christmas as the 'Psycho Panda Home Surgery Kit' (complete with illustrated instruction booklet), so named because of the mad staring glazed eyes it retained throughout the procedure.
Our brutality to soft toys did not end there. That same year we drew a huge pentagram on the common room table with tipp-ex and staked down a teddybear. We also sacrificed numerous hockey socks to our dark lord Marilyn Manson, though to be honest why he would want half a poorly knitted grubby item of girls sporting footwear is beyond me.
Our brutality to soft toys did not end there. That same year we drew a huge pentagram on the common room table with tipp-ex and staked down a teddybear. We also sacrificed numerous hockey socks to our dark lord Marilyn Manson, though to be honest why he would want half a poorly knitted grubby item of girls sporting footwear is beyond me.