I Nicknamed Paul Grant 'PG Tits' for being fat.
I hated him for the following reasons (which occured in this particular order);
1) At packed lunches he always patted his sandwiches like a beloved pet before eating them.
2) When he ate them he looked like a camel.
3) Having bragged about his supposed 12-speed racer for months, I eventually discovered it was in fact a 3-speed ladies fold-up bicycle.
4) When he fell off it at the bottom of the George St Brae and cut his head open, he told his mum it was my fault, as he'd pedalled away too fast in order to escape my taunts.
5) His mum attacked me with an umbrella outside school the next day.
6) The fat milksop actually bragged about this - thinking he'd done something brave by getting his mum onto me.