I fell ill with meningitis shortly before end of term one summer, the treatment of which left me profoundly deaf. I returned to the same school the following term fully expecting to have become a social leper, shunned and ridiculed by my prepubescent peers. However, much to my relief, I wasn't.

As much as I'd like to claim it was because I had surprisingly understanding and tolerant friends, it's probably more to do with the fact I taught everyone to finger spell various obscenities and, eventually, full-blown derogatory phrases in BSL. These words and phrases would be repeated with glee under the noses of the teachers.

Any respect and admiration built up over the next two years evaporated when I became one of the country's first recipients of a Cochlear Implant, and the playground soon rang with delighted cries of "Richard's got a COCK IN HIS EAR!"

And the cruel thing was I could actually hear them again.