| Report for Dominic Sutton | |
|---|---|
| Approved stories | 6 |
| Summary | Perfectly Exquisite |
Abusive chant directed at me by class bullies for daring to wear an iron on "Fighting Fantasy" transfer on my jumper. The chanting started in a normal voice, but was gradually replaced by a mock-spastic voice and finally stopped altogether when one of my tormentors decided it would in fact be a better idea to spit on me.
A Tamil refugee came to our school. We found out that his parents had both been shot and spent many happy hours holding coins in front of his face saying "can you see it shine..." then under our breath we would add "...like the bullets..."
A simple way to draw attention to someone with greasy hair. Simply touch their hair while saying "geese!" in a stupid voice. Repeat. Occasionally you may want to fall over as if some of the grease has come off their hair and made you slip. Geese, as with all insults, is particularly effective and intimidating when a small gang surrounds the target. I have no idea why the letter r was taken out of the word grease.
Upon being asked "Steptoe face please", the target had to make a face like Albert Steptoe from Steptoe and Son. The (quite polite) request could come at any time, even when you were in the middle of answering a teacher's question. If the required face was not made, the person making the request was entitled to beat the target up.
An amazing power trip game. The rules were simple, I would sit cross legged on the grass waving a twig around while my huge overweight followers would ask "What is your will Great Sage?" Usually my will involved beating up smaller followers, although occasionally I would send one of my followers to buy me a can of Coke. Looking back it is quite disturbing to think I derived so much pleasure from sitting back watching kids beaten up purely because I had asked for it to be done. Mind, this is probably the only real power I ever had, and I doubt whether I will experience it's like again.
The Ethiopian famine of the mid 80's gave rise to some particularly horrible jokes. I can't remember them all but a couple stick in my mind: "Did you hear about the nuclear explosion in Ethiopia? - Two million people died trying to eat the mushroom" was one. Another involved pointing at a barcode and asking "what's that?" Most people guessed incorrectly at a barcode, the answer was of course "An Ethiopian family portrait". People even put an Ethiopian slant on mum cussing, ie: "Your mum's fanny is drier than Ethiopia" or just "Your mum's an Ethiopian".