| Report for Chief Chirpa | |
|---|---|
| Approved stories | 4 |
| Summary | Perfectly Exquisite |
Catch 22 : Are you a PLP? Say yes, and you're a public leaning post. Say no, and you're denying that you're a perfectly lovely person. Why you would want to do that is beyond me.
It was common practice at my first secondary school for the upper 6th to ask first years "Hello, are you new?". You would invariably think they were extending the hand of friendship and answer "Yes." At this point the 6th former would say "Hello New" and he and all his friends would collapse with laughter. After a few times, when you had wised up you might try replying "No." This was met with the logically baffling "Hello No" and even more laughter, and probably a thump.
An alternative used at my primary school was "were you born in happiness or symphony?". Nerdy spack boys (like myself) would usually say symphony, thinking it was cleverer, only to be told "eurrr! you were born with a sim-fanny!"
At the age of 5, I was taken out of class and made to wait outside the headmistress's office. While I was there I was told that I had been seen looking into the girls' toilets.
I burst into tears as I stood on a white square on the chequered floor (something we had to do when we'd been naughty, perhaps to highlight our stained souls against the whiteness of tile). A teacher walked up and asked me why I was crying.
"Because I didn't do it!" I said.
"But if you didn't do it, why are you crying?" she replied, stonily.
It was at that moment I realised that the world was fundamentally unfair.
I burst into tears as I stood on a white square on the chequered floor (something we had to do when we'd been naughty, perhaps to highlight our stained souls against the whiteness of tile). A teacher walked up and asked me why I was crying.
"Because I didn't do it!" I said.
"But if you didn't do it, why are you crying?" she replied, stonily.
It was at that moment I realised that the world was fundamentally unfair.