| Report for Ian Dogherty | |
|---|---|
| Approved stories | 1 |
| Rejected stories | 3 |
| Summary | Could Try Harder |
"Breaker Breaker 10-4-10-4-John Wayne Payne"
Potentially the World's Longest nickname. Now there's a challenge...
John Payne was our Form Binner. The one who endured shouts of Gyp-Gyp-Gyp-Gypo! everytime anyone saw him. But, in that way that only happens at school, his life was defined by one careless statement in Second Year French.
Ms. Bissesseur, whom everyone fancied, was trying to teach us numbers in French, and so, sensibly decided to have the class recite their 'phone numbers. Not a bad idea, you would think.
This went swimmingly until we got to John. John told us he didn't have a phone, which would have been fair enough had he left there. But John decided to tell us that instead, he had a CB. Trevor Corrigan started up with 10-4, 10-4 John, and that was it for John. I don't remember where the Wayne came from. Just because John Wayne was one letter away from Payne, and because somehow saying John Wayne Payne in that 'Joey Deacon' way was somehow funnier. Made more so because one so unlike John Wayne you could not hope to meet.
Probably not the funniest story ever, but saying Breaker Breaker 10-4 10-4 John Wayne Payne still makes me laugh.
Potentially the World's Longest nickname. Now there's a challenge...
John Payne was our Form Binner. The one who endured shouts of Gyp-Gyp-Gyp-Gypo! everytime anyone saw him. But, in that way that only happens at school, his life was defined by one careless statement in Second Year French.
Ms. Bissesseur, whom everyone fancied, was trying to teach us numbers in French, and so, sensibly decided to have the class recite their 'phone numbers. Not a bad idea, you would think.
This went swimmingly until we got to John. John told us he didn't have a phone, which would have been fair enough had he left there. But John decided to tell us that instead, he had a CB. Trevor Corrigan started up with 10-4, 10-4 John, and that was it for John. I don't remember where the Wayne came from. Just because John Wayne was one letter away from Payne, and because somehow saying John Wayne Payne in that 'Joey Deacon' way was somehow funnier. Made more so because one so unlike John Wayne you could not hope to meet.
Probably not the funniest story ever, but saying Breaker Breaker 10-4 10-4 John Wayne Payne still makes me laugh.
A man walks up and down Wilmslow Road in Didsbury, Manchester, wearing his shirt, polyester mix tie, tweed jacket, cords, and hush puppies, carrying an old style (blue stipes red lettering) Tesco carrier bag shouting 'Boring Oxford Rejects on Boring Oxford Road How Boring'. He looks like he might actually work in the University somewhere.
I still see him now and again, and never tire of pointing out to whomever I'm with, 'I didn't know your Dad shopped at Tesco.'
I still see him now and again, and never tire of pointing out to whomever I'm with, 'I didn't know your Dad shopped at Tesco.'
...or Swanage. Every G.C.S.E. group had to go to Swanage to study Longshore Drift and peer at Corfe Castle from the bus on the way down. Staying in the grotty hostel which appeared to be 5 shitty Blackpool B&Bs that had been meticulously dismantled, transported down the M6 and then randomly dumped in a pile of stinking festering rubble. But, it had a table tennis table in the basement.
Our year was notable for having a couple arrested for getting pissed on Thunderbird on the beach on the last night, much to the chagrin of Head of Science Mr Lewis, who, by the way was the world's biggest twat. Regularly made laughable threats to 'Jump across that table and put my size nine shoe where the sun doesn't shine'. Until, that is, someone called his bluff. Sad, sad, sad little man. He's a headmaster now, apparently.
Our year was notable for having a couple arrested for getting pissed on Thunderbird on the beach on the last night, much to the chagrin of Head of Science Mr Lewis, who, by the way was the world's biggest twat. Regularly made laughable threats to 'Jump across that table and put my size nine shoe where the sun doesn't shine'. Until, that is, someone called his bluff. Sad, sad, sad little man. He's a headmaster now, apparently.