I had a fucked up sex education thanks to a junior school teacher called Mr. Beech. He jiggled a lot when talking to us and used to suck yoghurt off his little finger on the swimming bus. Sex was brought into every possible subject. Gems from his time teaching me include...
'Obviously Joseph was very annoyed with Mary because she had had sexual intercourse with someone else.'
'When you grow up are you going to marry Johnny and have lots of little Johnnies?'
'Would you rather live with me or marry Richard and live with him on an island forever?' (I chose Richard quite obviously.)
'Flowers pollinate each other, bit like sex.'
'Everyone choose an organ of the body to draw. Choose sexual organs if you like. Do you want to draw a penis, David? That's ok if you do.' (Predictably, every boy drew a huge cock. The classroom displays looked great for parents' evening.)
'I've noticed no-one in the class can draw peoples legs. Let me demonstrate.' (Here follows an hour long lesson on how to draw the bulge in a mans trousers.)

On one memorable occasion two people from the class were made to put on their PE kit, lie on the floor and be drawn around. Yes, one was me, and no, I don't know why we had to be in our PE kit. When we had satisfactory outlines we were told to draw all the 'outside bits' on and label with any slang words we could think of. What resulted was a scary mix of a young childs outline, huge tits (drawn by the lads)and pubic hair that was quite frankly out of control.
Shortly afterwards he was given a watch and 'asked' to retire.