Any big kid can hand out essays, you just have to look like you're allowed to. In third year I once gave some snotty little first-year a 1000-word essay on not kicking his ball against the biology lab (which wasn't even against the rules), and the fucker only bloody handed it in the next day. It had been typed and he had clearly got parental assistance, but I was so terrified that I'd get into trouble myself that I accepted it graciously. He never kicked his ball against the wall again, although he did discover later that I couldn't give essays out, and kicked me up the arse. It hurt.

(Good. –Susanwhowasbulliedbypeoplelikeyou)