Holmes ejaculated
Conan-Doyle's unfortunate but amusing way of saying that Sherlock Holmes said something. To be uttered with sudden loudness during a dreary reading in English class.
written by excluded pupil, approved by Phil
Similarly, "A Terribly Strange Bed" by Wilkie Collins, which we read sometime in Year 9, contains the unforgettable line;
"he solemnly ejaculated 'coffee!'"
We spent some time wondering why the speaker was so solemn about his super human caffeine ejaculatory abilities. Experiments with the consumption of raw coffee in an attempt to duplicate this feat failed, but we did manage to stay up and watch Prisoner Cell Block H.
"he solemnly ejaculated 'coffee!'"
We spent some time wondering why the speaker was so solemn about his super human caffeine ejaculatory abilities. Experiments with the consumption of raw coffee in an attempt to duplicate this feat failed, but we did manage to stay up and watch Prisoner Cell Block H.
written by Ji*my Di*co, approved by Log
In Henerick Ibson's play Hedda Gabler, there is a shady charcter called Brack, who is not content to declare "oh yes i am fond of the back passage", but immediately follows it up with "the back passage is very useful".
It was 15 minutes into class, and we all had to be let out early.
It was 15 minutes into class, and we all had to be let out early.
written by excluded pupil, approved by Log
I'm also fairly sure that in one of the Sherlock Holmes books, he ejaculates in his front room whilst he has a guest, who returns both of her hands to her muff in disgust. I'm sure it's in one of the books, I just cant remember which one.
On the subject of great literary ejaculations, it is rumoured that Jesus' last words in some prints of the Bible were "I come too quickly." Can anyone verify this? - I cant be bothered...
Well, can anyone verify this? We can't be bothered either.
On the subject of great literary ejaculations, it is rumoured that Jesus' last words in some prints of the Bible were "I come too quickly." Can anyone verify this? - I cant be bothered...
Well, can anyone verify this? We can't be bothered either.
written by Ha*ry Ni*e, approved by Log
Hello again. King of Google here.
According to Luke 23:46, the last words of Christ were, in fact, "Father, into your hands I commit my spirit." Which is a bit rude, if you try hard.
Here be links.
Note: don't Google "I come too quickly" when you're at work and have a draconian information security team.
According to Luke 23:46, the last words of Christ were, in fact, "Father, into your hands I commit my spirit." Which is a bit rude, if you try hard.
Here be links.
Note: don't Google "I come too quickly" when you're at work and have a draconian information security team.
written by Ni*k *unt, approved by Susan
These are the closest quotes I could find, in "The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes". In The Red Headed League, "I ejaculated after I had twice read over the extraordinary announcement."
Then, later on, in A Case Of Identity, "She pulled a little handkerchief out of her muff and began to sob heavily into it."
Sterling academic research there, young Jim. Bravo.
Then, later on, in A Case Of Identity, "She pulled a little handkerchief out of her muff and began to sob heavily into it."
Sterling academic research there, young Jim. Bravo.
written by excluded pupil, approved by Phil
I very much wanted this to be true, BUT:
1) I could not be bothered to leaf through the entire Bible
2) I do not own one
HOWEVER as 30% of the Internet consists of American Christians, I thought a quick Google search would settle the matter. Here are the helpful, and conclusive results.
1) I could not be bothered to leaf through the entire Bible
2) I do not own one
HOWEVER as 30% of the Internet consists of American Christians, I thought a quick Google search would settle the matter. Here are the helpful, and conclusive results.
written by Ra* ., approved by Susan
From "The Thirty Nine Steps" by John Buchan: "They were all on me at once, and the policeman took me in the rear. I got in one or two good blows, for I think, with fair play, I could have licked the lot of them, but the policeman pinned me behind, and one of them got his fingers on my throat."
written by an*nym*us us*r, approved by Mansh
"Crime and Punishment" by Dostoyevsky features a hen party novelty biscuit destined to scare children. Let it not be said that the Russians are a dour and humourless lot.
'Just fancy, Rodion Romanovitch, we found a gingerbread cock in his pocket. He was coming home dead drunk, but he did not forget the children.'Should your English class wish to recreate this scene, may we humbly suggest the fantastically named Masturbakers as a possible source of phallic fingerfoods? Alternatively, if you bite the arms off a classic gingerbread man, the results will be more than sufficient to cause aunties everywhere to blush.
'A cock? Did you say a cock?' the gentleman from the commissariat cried.
written by an*ny*ous u*er, Ph*l G*ansvi*e, approved by Phil
Hermann Melville's always hilarious Moby Dick contains a special treat for anyone who manages to make it past the first hundred and four chapters without going mental.
A description of a successful whaling ship in chapter 105 ends: "indeed everything was filled with sperm, except the captain's pantaloons pockets, and those he reserved to thrust his hands into, in self- complacent testimony of his entire satisfaction."
And if you don't believe me, look here.
A description of a successful whaling ship in chapter 105 ends: "indeed everything was filled with sperm, except the captain's pantaloons pockets, and those he reserved to thrust his hands into, in self- complacent testimony of his entire satisfaction."
And if you don't believe me, look here.
written by an*nymou* use*, approved by Mansh