"Fixtures" was the name of the school diary which every boy was issued with. These would occasionally be lost or left behind, of course, and when you needed to look something up (e.g. dates of sports matches) you would, naturally enough, ask to borrow someone else's. And Freddie Messon-Gilpin would, naturally enough, lend you his in the middle of double biology. And you, sitting behind him, would proceed to draw enormous phalluses, complete with Jap's eye and cum-lines, all over it. If there was time, you could fill in all the space available for each day in the year, and he'd have to buy another one.
(Have you borrowed another person's book and filled in every available gap with cocks, spunk lines and women riding around in tanks with their tits out? We're starting a competition to find the most cock-saturated page of a standard exercise book. Tell Log if you think you've got Britain's most cocks on a page.

Thursday was the day that our form tutor would check our homework diaries for teacher comments and our parents' signature, to prove we'd been good boys during the week. One week I briefly left the class and upon my return found that the current week's page had been filled with numerous "CUNT"s in big letters.

Unfortunately, my form tutor wasn't fooled by my subtle rebranding of said obscenities to "CUNE". Nowadays, of course, I would have the wherewithal to swiftly adapt it to "Conte's Bicycle And Fitness Equipment".

Blakey's dad was not amused by the memo I left for him in his homework diary, in thick permanent marker.

"Memo:" it read, "Bum Dad."