The pupil of Ysgol Tryfan, Bangor, who removed one of his dainty stools from the bowl, and smeared it across the walls of the toilet, leading to an assembly in which we were told we had "a very real problem". Retards and pyschopaths alike came under suspicion, but the plucky turdslinging Welshman who wrecked the walls with bowels of folly will take this secret to his grave.

Interesting how an assembly can be held on the issue of someone (me) shitting in a urinal without mentioning anything at all. For example...
"The cleaning ladies have complained about someone inappropriately using the facilities... and that the person responsible knows what we are talking about mean by that and I hopes it will not ever happen again, because measures will have to be taken if such an occurrence should repeat itself."

once we came into school to find scrawled in shit 'mr reeves rapes your boys in hell' mr reeves being our dodgy pe teacher who often froced the boyes to run round in just their pants

One of my earliest memories of my teacher in Year One gathering the class together and gravely informing us that someone had somehow placed a shit on the windowsill in the boy's toilet. Learning that the caretaker had not been happy about having to scoop crap off the high windowsill practically killed us. More mysterious is quite how said turd made it all the way up there. Sam, the tallest boy in school, was quickly targetted, but he managed to transfer our wrath to Steven, who became known as 'Stinker'. Contact with Stinker would result in immediate death.

my school also had a phantom shitter, whose moment of crowning glory came when morning assemblies were being held in the dining hall, due to refurbishment. Somehow he snuck in and deposited a perfectly formed turd on a plate. Cue the perfect excuse for a stampede out of assembly...

At our school he was simply the phantom shitter. Rather more creatively, he wrote "kunal is a shot penis" on the cubicle wall. Apparently the caretaker, whilst cleaning, noted his misspelling of the word short. We all knew it was ben wang, cos he had a crap sense of humour and a frankly hilarious name. If written, we simply added a T (benT wang).

I don't believe this for a second. Look at it, scoff derisively, then delete.

We had a couple of "inappropriate" turds when I was at school. Someone shat in the showers, and the Head had to rinse it away. Rather worse was the log left in a piano, which was found by touch, by the (blind) piano tuner.

A variation on this crime occurred at my school. Our school had two sites, upper and lower. Late one night after a cadet exercise we were dropped off at the upper school, which most of the boys in our truck were unfamiliar with. One poor unfortunate had been desperate for a dump, and just as the four ton truck pulled into the playground he made a death or glory dash for the nearest toilet, which alas turned out to contain only urinals. You can guess the rest. Upon finding out what happened, the commanding officer (aka Mr Tinch the RE teacher)ordered the boy to clear it up with an entrenching tool.

Phantom shit spreader mark 2

a very similar incident occured at our school. We were informed (at assembly, by a stern looking Proctor - the official title of the head of discipline, who was a octogenarian with a white beard who was too skinny to be santa claus but too lame to instil any discipline in anyone) that someone had shat in someone elses schoolbag, replacing it in the bag racks. There was to be an investigation, but nothing ever came of it, this being before the days of DNA testing. nobody ever found out who the victim or the culprit was.

But, i knew...

Dom.