At the given command of 'porn break' which must be loud enough for the all members of the class to hear. As many people as they dared stood up at their desks and re-enacted the movements of their favourite porno flick (by themselves, no homo porno was allowed). Props were allowed including chairs, tables, cupboards, bins and board rubbers. This went on for a maximum of five seconds, when everyone sat down and carried on working in complete silence as if nothing had ever happened.

Half the fun was the expression on the teachers faces, where you could see 'did that just actually happen?'. Most of the hard pressed staff chose to ignore it. Until Russell, a genius playground terrorist, took it too far and ran up to a French teacher during a porn break, and pretended that she was giving him a blowjob, then fucking her, then he bent over in an act that, I can only guess, was her rimming his arse. We all paused, mid-pump and gaped in awe and respect.

This reminded me of the joke: A man called Mr. Wankbreak starts a new job at a factory. One day his wife phones the foreman and says "Do you have a Wankbreak there?" "Wankbreak?" says the foreman, "we don’t even get a tea break!" Please yourselves.

Susan's joke reminds me of another joke. A man called Mr. Bigtittedladytocomeroundandblowall-Thefactoryworkers (he was posh, hence the double-barrelled name. He had fallen on hard times, hence working at a factory despite being posh enough to have a double-barrelled name) starts work at a factory. His wife rings up to speak to him and says to the foreman "Do you have a Bigtittedladytocomeroundandblowall-Thefactoryworkers there?"

The foreman replies "No we don't. The closest we've got is Maude the tea-lady, who's a bit of a slag, but never with me, the bitch."

It was told to me by my friend Billy Yourjokeisthemostcontrivedjokei'veeverheardanditsucksspackers'herpesoffaspork. We used to tease him about having apostrophes in his name, but he insisted it was how his name was spelled. We drove him to suicide. Grrrrrreat days.

We don't use the word "genius" round here too often, but there's at least two editors on this site who want to have sex with *points up* this anonymous contributor.

Really? Gosh. Whilst I appreciate the offer of sex, I'm deeply in love with someone else. If you have nice tits, I'll accept a picture, but that's as far as I'm willing to go.

Oh I didn't mean me, hon. Log will bum anything with a pulse and the only thing stronger than Phil's steely heterosexuality is his intense dislike for me. Both have nice tits though.