I must have attended the only nice person's school in the country. The worst bullying ever that I can remember was that there was a fat girl who didn't get much sun and was rather pale. She also had very pale hair. She was like a self-imposed albino. We used to call her 'Moomim' because she kind of looked like one of those cute hippo-like creatures on TV at the time.
Had she attended one of your schools, she'd have been called 'Albino Cunt Bitch', repeatedly abused to the verge of mass rape, then exposed to some kind of (dog) poo-related activity that you're all so fond of.
Readers! Have you had surgery that has replaced your real memories with birdsong and rainbows? If so, please use this entry to tell us your heartwarming tales of calling fat kids Mr Healthy Appetite, and calling the effeminate kid Captain Diversity. We'd love to hear how idyllic life was for you. - Log

In primary school, the worst torment I suffered was a bunch of older boys always calling me 'Chocolate Biscuit'. This might have been a moderate insult, had I been black. But I'm not.
I also got called 'funnyless'. Were they trying to say 'fannyless'? Either way, it was terribly difficult for me to feel bothered.
Thank God secondary school was crueller - otherwise I'd have died of boredom.

Having read the above submission, I feel that the fat girl discussed has really missed out on the full playground experience:
Why, just in the last few minutes I have come up with the following:

• Moonmin-troll (a variation on the building blocks already provided)
• Rentaghost
• The New Shmoo
• The Phantom
• Snow White
• Gippo - (if she went to our school and lived at Springfield Road)

Please pass these comments onto her her, not forgetting to steal her lunch money, and give her a punch in her pasty fat stupid tits.

When our Home Counties primary school welcomed its first Chinese pupil, the child was accepted immediately, simply because he came from the same part of the world as Monkey.
There were no “Ching Chong Chinaman” jokes. He was followed by a legion of disciples, in the hope that they would be shown how to fight better or summon a cloud from the sky.