The aristocracy doesn't come out well in the playground. Duke means shit. Viscount is a brand of cheap minty biscuit. And Baron was written on the tag that stuck out of my cheap, fashionless shoes.

No child wants to be a Baron. And those that do would be ill-advised to start that long journey by adopting a pair of cheap, aspirational labelled shoes. They do not command respect.

The stitching on my Barons formed a ridged lip around the top of the shoe. This rim would prevent water from draining effectively to the floor. This was noticed, and within seconds, I became Baron Fishponds. Baron Fishponds - the new-money peer who wasn't invited to top-tier social functions, because of his shit shoes.