Resusci-Annie was an unpleasant tasting plastic torso. When it rained during PE, we were made to practice resuscitation techniques upon her. Eventually, the congealed spittle of a thousand children made her go mouldy and she was deposited in a skip. And there it should have ended. We staged a rescue mission. Dressed in cast-off uniform from Lost Property, Annie looked uncommonly like a first former, and we took full advantage of this by placing her in bins with one corpse-like arm poking out of the top, hiding her in lockers and so forth. Her final appearance came when she was hanged by her little plastic neck from a tree by the First XII hockey pitch. A nervous Biology teacher fainted and Annie was subsequently incinerated. It was only by the narrowest of margins that we escaped the same fate.

I once used a Resusci-Annie to fail a four fucking day first aid course I had to do. Apparently I had "broken all her ribs and probably used one to puncture her lung". I followed this up by "willfully allowing a casualty to drown in his own blood". My appeal, based on the grounds that anyone could easily hold their breath for a fucking minute or so, was cruelly denied.