AS YOUTHS IN THE LATE SEVENTIES/EIGHTIES WE WERE ALL IN GANGS. WE WERE PunX N SKINZ BUT THE WAS ONE LAD WHO WAS A SMOOTHY(Scouse for casual dress). HE HAD THE FIRST PAIR OF POLYVELDTS WE'ED EVER SEEN,WE ALL HAD NICKNAMES BACK IN THE DAY. AN CONSEQUENTLY HIS NAME BECAME "Veltz"!!!
FIN@M@N L@

We've already got the gold standard for naming a man after his shoes. Thanks for whatever the fuck that was, though!

A group of boys sits at a table while a girl goes around under the table giving blow-jobs at random. The object of the game is to keep a straight face.

You know what? This didn't happen.

Our school pool became a repository for footballs, tennis balls, blazers and the odd first year sometime in the seventies. By the time my generation got to it, Prefects were required to gaurd it at lunch times, presumably from thirsty first years. During this time, the school was subjected to an assembly on how due to "inconsideration stemming back some years" the population of the school pool now extended to several breeds of fish, some of which could not be legally removed. Making the building of the new staff room quite difficult.

To reiterate the facts: you couldn't build a staff room in a swimming pool because it was so full of tennis balls that protected species of fish had moved in? Is that a fair summary of your story? If so, fuck right off and away, I'm not having it.

Growing up in New York State , U. S. A. , a version of " spaz/retarded/fag " , etc. , was " Bocie "...I'm sure that it came from BOCES , the acronym for N. Y. State's " special " education department ( Um...Something Something Something Educational Services . ) . My version of it is , of course , phoenetic , and , may well be subject to variations !!!!!!!!! I do not know if NYS's equivalent department goes by that name now , this is some decades agone ... While I guess that this site is more British-oriented , the whole English-speaking world is your oyster , correct ??????? And , I'll assume that you're familiar with the American " spaz/retard " , etc. , referred to above...

You know what, I think the thing that upsets me most about this is all the gaps between everything. How can you make USA take up nine characters? Jesus WEPT

Once when I was in secoundary school, this bloody tosser came up round this girl we knew as Stephanie Stank ( real name Stephanie Stanck) and triend to pull up my skirt so that him and his mates could all have a good look. Well, they were able to get the skirt up to Stephanie's head, but sad for them, good ol' Steph hadn't changer her nickers for three days. (She was wereing those nickers with the days on them like they had in the 70s). Well needless to say, we all thought it was funny, and the day after me and my mates slipped a note to the tosser saying

What a cliffhanger! This really is the standard we're aiming for here in Cockfinger's Department of the Wrong. Do you think you've got a story as lacking in everything as this? Come on. I fucking dare you.

A lad in my Geography class was called "Guy Brewin"... once when he really annoyed both me and a few friends, the name on his book was swiftly changed to "Gay's Brewin A Fart"

I knew this guy once who was called "Jezz Gobbler". Whenever he left the room we would all form a massive conga line singing songs of his heroic deeds. It's only now I realise his name sounds like someone gulping down spunk. Missed a fucking trick there, thinking about it.

Biget-anne was sitting in on our math class, god knows why, and we had a subsitute teacher, briget gave herself the name of a girl who was away that day, Nicola. after many such pranks in which she clearly repeated 'my name is nicola' she left, after a pole dance in a state of undress. Nicola got expelled and the subsitute got fired for ringing nicola and taking her out to dinner, why the real nicola wnet is not know, apart from her super slutty nature.

Congratulations, you win the "I'm a massive fucking liar" award. On the upside, at least Biget-Anne won't find herself on Google, as her name almost certainly isn't spelled like that.