An unusual game that involves any amount of players, but we usually only play with two, because nobody else wants to play. All you have to do is kick the other person's shins / legs. Tactics such as "look over there" *SMACK* are pretty good and the winner is the one who doesn't give up. Bleeding and bruises are good, whereas crying is not.

A pubescent ploy of drawing two eyes on the index finger then passing said finger under hem of tasty geography teacher's skirt while she is stood next to your desk looking the other way. What Freddy 'sees' is transmitted to his master causing him to jolt into eye rolling mouth dribbling fake orgasm. One lad was caught in action, and was sent to the school nurse amid fears of having an eppy.

A book graffiti campaign was launched to free Deidre Rachid - a fictional character wrongly - but fictionally - imprisoned in a (fictitious) jail.

The best one featured a young child praying to god, with the caption "Please sir, free Deidre" crudely inserted in a speech-bubble above his head.

We like to think our little campaign in some way influenced the decision of the Coronation Street writers to release the chicken-necked cunt.

Term of abuse aimed at children of unemployed alcoholic parents living on council estates. At the time (early 70's) there was a kids' adventure serial screened pre-teatime called the Freewheelers. Anybody who was subject to free dinners was henceforth known as a Freemealer.

There was one kid who was accused of hogging the French exchange students. The teachers were informed, a commitee was convened, the kid was reprimanded. The reprimand was stapled into his permanent file. Later, this reprimand kept the exchange-student-hogger out of a prestigious university.
(I'm approving this story because I have no idea what hogging means in this context. To me, hogging means "keeping them all to yourself", and I love the image of this student crowd-surfing everywhere on a sea of fifty frenchmen, saying "allez la-bas!")

Graffiti. Presumably the teacher arrived before the pupil could add the final "r".

This was an event so good, mere words cannot pronounce its greatness. But I'm trying my best to do it justice.

Room 30 was the form room of 10H, and also doubled as Mr Brown's music room. Because of this, there was various musical equipment and other large heavy things to play around with. Some of our favourite games were Put Johnny In The Grand Piano, Drop Johnny Off A Table On His Head, and Pin Johnny In Between The Filing Cabinet And The Wall Then Run Into Him. There was also the fire extinguisher which was put to great use, such as lying it on it's side next to a filing cabinet, then using the upright piano to push in the lever, firing the extinguisher and sending it off spiralling into the room. Great stuff.

However, the highlight of the week was always Friday lunchtime. The curtains would all be drawn and the lights turned out, then all the desks and chairs would be pushed to the edges of the room to create a large space in the centre of the room. Everyone then removed their shoes, jackets and ties, much like in Fight Club, then patiently wait by the edge of the room. Mark Curling would then get behind the grand piano and start playing a long fanfare-type intro. However, no one moved until the proper music kicked in. As we waited for this, the tension and anticipation was electric. Mark would then start playing The Entertainer, at which point EVERYONE in the room ran into the centre of the room and beat the crap out of each other, usually ending in Rowlands getting cut in the facial area (the fat fucker). One particularly memorable moment was when I jumped on Jack, sending us both to the floor, at which point Manji ran across the room and kneed me in the side of the head. Another was when Martin stood on one of the tables at the side of the room and sprayed the CO2 fire extinguisher into the crowd. I seem to remember it tasting like Orange Tango.

Our music teacher Mr. Hotton had a black bushy beard, a thunderous temper and generally looked, sounded and acted like Victorian Dad.

He owned a plimsoll which he dubbed 'Friendly Fred', and inscribed 'FF' on the sole in black magic marker. As he never tired of explaining to us, this was a clever joke because FF in musical notation meant 'very loud', as small boys were apt to be when he beat them about the buttocks with it.

Once, entirely out of character, he gave me a Mars bar for being a good drummer.

An imperfect method of forcing girls into vague sexual acts. Accusing them of frigidity would generally result in a denial, whereupon you would be perfectly within your rights asking them to prove it. If she agreed then you got to feel her ladybumps while she stood as still as she could. Most girls would usually tell you to piss off though.

This was a word we used to describe erect nipples. I think it was short for "frosty nipples", referring to the way that nipples often stiffen when they get cold.
It is also what Maria Westbrook started calling Samantha Dentley after she noticed that Samantha's nipples were almost always erect - a nickname that was never used by anyone else because we were far more interested in making fun of Maria the Nipple Policelesbian.

Get a thin drinking straw from a Calypso packet. Catch a frog. Spawning season is a good time, as they're too busy clambering all over each other to bother about having a thin straw stuck up their anus. Stick the thin straw up the frog's anus. Blow gently. Believe it or not, this inflates the frog, which cannot then deflate.
Added fun : launch the bloated frogs on a pool and try to burst them using marbles launched from Black Widow catapult.

There’s only one thing we hold sacred here on Playground, and that’s TRUTH. (And fags. Fags are important as well.) We believe this entry to be unmitigated bollocks. However if you know different, if you are a zoologist or specialist in frogs anuses, please write in. If you’d like to write in just to go "aaaaaah, anonymous user is a vast liar and probably GAY", then that’s all to the good too.

We can’t even guess how you’d go about finding a frogs anus.

Potential urban myth. If you stick a straw up a frog's anus and blow, it will explode. Don't question the physics; it will explode.

Hyperthetical concept of a person naked on all fours, violent diarrhoea and flatulence spitting from their raw anus. A wet, "Aero-like" bubbling build-up starts to form, much like comedy-broken-washing-machines' output only brown and bad. If the person stays still, this shitty foam will harden into a frothcake which can be served in slices. I was old enough to have known better by the time this concept was invented.

When queuing outside classrooms, since one is only allowed to enter when the teacher arrives and gives the OK, there tends to be a certain degree of pushing. Should there be pushing then the pushee may shout 'frot frot frot' or 'frotter' or 'oh goodie, frottage'.

At lunchtime, a banana, a large red grape, a carton of milk and a straw can be combined to fashion a most amusing sculpture, as follows:

1) Cut the tip off the banana.
2) Insert the straw through the cut tip, pointing down along the length of the banana. Push through until the banana is skewered on the straw, with about an inch protruding from the severed banana tip, and at least an inch protruding from somewhere along the length of the banana.
3) Blow down the straw to remove any banana detritus.
4) Cut the grape in half and attach one half this to the cut end of the banana by skewering it on the straw.
5) Take a mouthful of tasty milk. For Christ's sake, don't swallow.
6) Put mouth on non-graped end of straw and blow.
7) Sit back and enjoy your fellow students' hilarity at the sight of this facsimile of an ejaculating penis.
Don't try to be too clever and use oranges or plums for balls. Remember - less is often more, and you don't want to be accused of gilding the lily.

A fat useless bastard. More common nationally than you might expect, this word contains the two Atkinson / Elton letters of comedy, "f" and "b". This explains why the words "baffle" and "boffin" are so popular, and why "Baby Bumfluff" is the most popular children's cartoon of the 1970s.

Can't take credit for the word, I suppose, but the game of fuck is good wholesome fun for two or more players. Best played in a classroom, but it works in the playground too, as long as a teacher is nearby. The first player says 'fuck' very quietly, just so you can hear it. The next player has to say it a little louder, and so on around the players. The loser is the first person to say 'fuck' more quietly than the previous person, to bottle out completely, or to be heard by the teacher.

see fuck shit wanker tit bum

An insult beyond all others. It can be used in a face to face argument, or simply as a curse. It has to be said quickly and with passion to be effective, but you can't help thinking that it would be even more effective if it didn't end with "bum".

Thing I accidentally said when under extreme pressure, faced with gang of big, hard older girls all shouting stuff at me.

Though it was embarrassing at the time, I have since realised, from the books of Roddy Doyle etc. that "Fuck up" is a perfectly valid and pleasing insult, combining Fuck Off, Shut Up, and, as a bonus, expressing the hope that the person it's said to will 'Fuck Up' in their future endeavours. With hindsight, I SO win, you whores.

The sound omitted from Mrs Tulley's mouth when Iain Lenton bit her on the neck in 1986, a year in which he thought he was a vampire.
She shouted 'fuck' quite clearly then added 'shun' on the end in a meaningless attempt to disguise what she said. Rumours went around for six weeks that she was being sent to teach in the Congo.

Despite the relegation of this term to the realms of vulgarity over the course of the twentieth century, it still retains some of the older notions of affection and only faint disdain in some parts of the country. An example;
One : Katrina of Katrina and the Waves fame deserves a big gash on her face.
Two : Why?
One : Because she is such a fucker!
Upon moving to another region of the UK, much hilarity can result from the cultural misunderstandings such a term can cause.

Single use rallying cry employed by Phillip Bales, class spaz, upon being elected to lead the cross country group. When our PE teacher pointed to Bales, he celebrated his inauguration by shouting "Follow me, you Fucker-Mothers!" and then running off down the field. Even the teacher smiled at Bales' inability to get the words Mother and Fucker in the right order.

A rude expression of disbelief at the previous statement. Also the practice of fucking a girl, called Ada, who would be very old and nasty.
A conceivable conversation;
"Where's Peter?"
"Fucking Ada."
"Fucking Ada? Fucking Ada!"

I don't know if dabs exist anywhere else in the world, but in Feniscowles in Blackburn, they were slices of huge baking potato dipped in batter and fried. At 10p each, they were an extremely cheap, tasty and unhealthy meal for a growing child.
Paul H., our school's most prolific and robotic swearer, simply could not order a dab without referring to it as a "fucking dab". In everyday life, some nouns would escape the fucking prefix. But never dabs. Perhaps he just thought dabs was too short a word to make sense on its own - perhaps he just fucking hated the fucking dabs.
Briefly, the school grounds became 'The Place of the Eighteen Fuckings', when Paul H was hit across the back of his legs by his best friend, and managed eighteen uninterrupted fuckings before another word broke the flow. I think this has never been beaten anywhere else in the world.