Gym apparatus. Seven inch diameter doughnuts, made from inch thick foam-rubber. I can't remember any of the games they were used for, or why we ever got them out, but I do remember the comforting feel of one of the rings when you put it down the front of your shorts.

These are actually known as quoits. Women and attentive male heterosexuals will know that they are eerily reminiscent of the neck of the cervix. Or the neck of the cervix is eerily reminiscent of a quoit. Whichever. -Susan.

Quietly placing a rubber on a radiator at the beginning of the lesson will create a creeping junkyard stench. By the time it reaches the front of the class and the teacher, fellow pupils will have been chuckling and retching for minutes. By the time the teacher does become aware of it, the room is full of stank, and there's nothing anyone can do.

Based on a Department of Health advert in New Zealand, where a mentally handicapped child sits on a swing, rubbing his eye, and suffering from Rubella. Thereby, any evidence of one element (stupidity, rubbing eye, having rubella) would be met with the other two. For instance, if someone gets a basic question wrong (what is one times one), you rub your eye and shout rubella at them.
Conversely, if someone rubs their eye with their forefinger, it is a sign that they are stupid, and have rubella. If someone actually had rubella, presumably they'd be rubbing their eye and being retarded like in the advert, so we never bothered with that one.

The rules were simple: fill someone’s rucksack with as many random (preferably heavy) classroom objects as you can find, without them noticing. Then come the bell, person picks rucksack off desk, and collapses.
The game was quickly outlawed when a 4th year was almost crushed by a rucksack containing 6 bricks, assorted textbooks and a BBC Micro.

Three kids, Sharrock, Mytton, and Dutton, lived on the same street and (allegedly) had homosexual antics in Sharrock's shed. Apparently, an Action Man had entered an arse. This shed became the HQ of Rude Club - the only club that no fucker wanted to join.

A droll cartoon figure based on the classic textbook phallus. The testicles became the trademark chef's hat, while the tip of the penis served as the chef's legs.

Any phallus drawn on one's books or pencil-case could be rapidly and effortlessly transformed into a Rudey.

A beautifully poetic moment on a geography field trip to the Lake District. When one of the female teachers sat down on a rock for a little rest, her shorts happened to show a little more flesh than they should. One of the boys couldn't help but notice, and immediately told everyone: "Mrs Jones's got rugged flaps". A higher compliment there could barely be.

I'm not sure whether this has a name to it, but I remember licking the end of my ruler, then making someone else smell it. I suppose it could come under the title "Ruler smelling". Usually Helix rulers.

"Measuring" was a boring half-hour session at primary school, in which we had a worksheet that tasked us with tasks such as "Draw a line 1.5cm long".
Gary use his to measure his cock. Colin who, in hindsight was probably a gaylord, offered to help, and marked in green felt where it rose to.
When it came to measuring in the future, the ruler with the green felt tip at the 8cm mark was one to be avoided.

Harmless stories retold in school only need about two periods to change into nasty perverted rumours that win the hapless victim a year's worth of beatings. Let's study the following case;
Gareth and Joe walked to school together everyday. One day, Gareth told Joe that he felt sick because he had to share bath water with his brother. He had waited for his brother to get out, then got in himself and washed his face with the water, but his brother then told him he had done a piss in the bath.
Became;
Gareth's brother pissed into the water in front of Gareth and then Gareth drank the water. Once.
Became;
Gaz lets his brother piss into his mouth. REGULARLY.
Became;
Gareth ALWAYS begs his brother to piss into his mouth, because he loves pissdrinking SO DAMN MUCH.
Became;
Gareth CONSTANTLY sucks his brother off in the bath. So much so, it's amazing he has time to come to school.
Became;
Joe having to go into hiding for the rest of that week, as Gareth tried to track him down to kick his teeth in.

Tim was a hugely fat geordie with hairy moles all over his face, and arrogant as fuck until we broke his spirit. He normally avoided PE as the idea of him doing any kind of physical activity was so blatantly farcical. On one occasion the PE teacher decided it would be good for him to play Rounders, and ordered him outside. As Tim lumbered between the posts, the teacher tried to encourage him with a shout of 'Run, Tim, Run!'. Whether the teacher was being kind or cruel, from then on, any running person, fat or otherwise, called Tim or not, was spurred on with a shout of 'Run, Tim, Run!'. As an aftermath to the games lesson we stole his trousers, and discovered to our delight that we could fit two ordinary-sized people into them. He walked home in his shorts.

Rupert was, comparatively, a fairly normal kid at my primary school. This changed drastically the day he threw a pair of skidmarked Y-fronts onto his neighbour's roof to avoid the embarrassment of his mum having to wash the poo out. He had left the name tag in and the throw had been quite naff. The neighbour spotted the pants on his roof, went up to retrieve them and brought them round to show his mum, who actually owned the village shop. Not sure whether that makes it any funnier, but she did. Word spread fast and Rupert became widely known, so much so that many who hadn't met him before thought his surname was Pants. "RUPERTPANTS" was always said as one word, in an American accent, with emphasis on the last vowel. Rupert would often turn red and go mental, especially when the songs began to be invented, the most noteworthy being (to the tune of Deutschland Uber Alles, I think) "Coughs and sneezes spread di-sea-ses, Put them in your rupertpants." ...and, to the tune of "Let's Dance" (as sung by Jive Bunny at the time), "Hey baby won't you take a chance / Just smell Rupert's underpants / And let's dance / da-da-da-da da da da-da-da/ Oh let's dance"

Two people take turns twatting each other's hands with the spine of a book. Loser must then present the English teacher with a copy of the heavily blood-stained GCSE text used. Origin of 'Russian' in game title unknown.