Miss Dagg was nothing short of twenty stone. A follower of the floral tent-dress fashion, she was incredibly miserable and perpetually angry. From the very first day, we just knew she was going to be a pushover - and we were right. She left the class crying every other lesson, "took a long holiday", then came back and so on and so forth, as we mercilessly ground her down.
Sports Day - A pupils versus teachers rounders match, and to our absolute disbelief, Dagg is lined up on the teacher team. She clearly thinks that this is her chance to get back at us.
Dagg is next to bat. Some geek kid bowls a feeble ball and THWACK. She strikes it straight over the fence and sets off around the bases. Starting slowly, she gradually gathers speed and by the time we have climbed over the fence and retrieved the ball, she is going like a fifteen-ton runaway truck down a hill, towards the last base and a "rounder".
She is nearly there as Stu Black throws the ball. The ball flies over her head and is caught by the boy at last base who immediately stumps her OUT. Dagg is still running, however. She cannot stop herself in time and smashes head-first into the six-foot solid metal pole that is serving as final base.
While she lay there unconscious, with her dress around her waist and bloomers on display, it became horrifically apparent that a wet piss patch was slowly forming around her pouch-like fanny. The seconds passed and we gradually slipped through the gears, from stunned silence into screaming laughter.
And as the teachers stood around this scene of carnage, the head of year was clearly heard to say, "If you think I'm watching THAT fat cunt while YOU lot go to the pub, you're SADLY mistaken".