| Report for Osiris of Egypt | |
|---|---|
| Approved stories | 5 |
| Pending stories | 3 |
| Rejected stories | 5 |
| Deleted stories (hidden) | 11 |
| Summary | Mean Boy |
A furniture company. Deliberately confusing Canadia with Canada is surprisingly annoying to Canadians. As a brucie bonus, insist that Canada is in fact the company, and Canadia is the country.
I had a guy like that, Mr. O'Caoiraoin was his name. He thought me Irish up to 3dr year. Every day he came in hungover, except some days, when he seemed to be still drunk. He was also very fond of going to photocopy stuff. The prevailing wisdom is that he had a secret stash of alcohol in the photocopier room as well as pre-printed sheets.
At one point he took the school debate team somewhere for a contest or something. Reports indicate that as soon as they got there, he went into a bar and was not seen until the team left.
At one point he took the school debate team somewhere for a contest or something. Reports indicate that as soon as they got there, he went into a bar and was not seen until the team left.
First is the worst,
Second is the best,
Third is the one with the hairy chest
Fourth is the one with the golden dress
Fifth is the one that God loves best.
Incredibly, people argued about fifth, as the teachers said God loved everybody equally. No-one really cared past second, though.
Upon coming third, I let out quite simply the most ridiculous variant:
First is the worst,
Second is the baa-baa,
Third is the best.
By way of explanation, I was six.
Second is the best,
Third is the one with the hairy chest
Fourth is the one with the golden dress
Fifth is the one that God loves best.
Incredibly, people argued about fifth, as the teachers said God loved everybody equally. No-one really cared past second, though.
Upon coming third, I let out quite simply the most ridiculous variant:
First is the worst,
Second is the baa-baa,
Third is the best.
By way of explanation, I was six.
A pretext for a large group beating up someone weak, eg:
Birthday billies: Getting beaten up because it's your birthday. In practise, if you were the unpopular kid, it was your birthday every day, and the sone 'Happy Birthday' quickly became an infinitely greater torture than, say, having your scrotum burned by cigarettes while you are stretched by a rack.
Silent billies: Someone shouts "Silent billies 1 2 3!" and the first person to make the slightest noise gets beaten up. Could get tricky if a teacher asked someone to answer a question, as you faced a choice between disciplinary action from the teacher for being insolent or from the other kids for not being insolent.
Movement billies: Same as above, only someone shouts 'movement' instead of 'silent,' and the person beaten up is the first to move the slightest bit. Eyes, lungs, and hearts were generally (though not always) exempt. Here, it was extremely easy to get whoever you hated beaten up by claiming that they had moved. It did not matter whether you could see them or not - the fact that you said they moved poved that they did. Besides, if you claimed wrongly, they would likely make an actual movement as they protested their innocence.
Silent movement billies: A combination of silent billies and movement billies. The most feared test of endurance of all, since people had a tendency to laugh while trying to remain perfectly still and silent.
Birthday billies: Getting beaten up because it's your birthday. In practise, if you were the unpopular kid, it was your birthday every day, and the sone 'Happy Birthday' quickly became an infinitely greater torture than, say, having your scrotum burned by cigarettes while you are stretched by a rack.
Silent billies: Someone shouts "Silent billies 1 2 3!" and the first person to make the slightest noise gets beaten up. Could get tricky if a teacher asked someone to answer a question, as you faced a choice between disciplinary action from the teacher for being insolent or from the other kids for not being insolent.
Movement billies: Same as above, only someone shouts 'movement' instead of 'silent,' and the person beaten up is the first to move the slightest bit. Eyes, lungs, and hearts were generally (though not always) exempt. Here, it was extremely easy to get whoever you hated beaten up by claiming that they had moved. It did not matter whether you could see them or not - the fact that you said they moved poved that they did. Besides, if you claimed wrongly, they would likely make an actual movement as they protested their innocence.
Silent movement billies: A combination of silent billies and movement billies. The most feared test of endurance of all, since people had a tendency to laugh while trying to remain perfectly still and silent.
Come to me, my lovely, and join my merry band of crap entries.
When I was about nine, a group of around four of us all managed to convince each other that we were all aliens. And that we had had the most incredible adventures, and were merely on this planet because our spaceship had crashed. and we all believed it!
These folders also contained a few other valuable pearls of wisdom:
*Those huge, brawny, muscly, scary, dangerous kids who eat raw steaks for breakfast, shave because they have to, beat you up because they can, and laugh when you give them the hardest punch ever as if it tickled, are only beating you up because they're actually afraid of you.
*Everyone on the planet that you don' know is involved in a huge conspiracy to do all kinds of bad shit to children in general and you in particular. This they seek to do by offering you sweets and giving you a lift home.
*All kinds of terrible, horrible, unspeakable things will happen if anyone comes within ten metres of your 'private parts.'
*Those huge, brawny, muscly, scary, dangerous kids who eat raw steaks for breakfast, shave because they have to, beat you up because they can, and laugh when you give them the hardest punch ever as if it tickled, are only beating you up because they're actually afraid of you.
*Everyone on the planet that you don' know is involved in a huge conspiracy to do all kinds of bad shit to children in general and you in particular. This they seek to do by offering you sweets and giving you a lift home.
*All kinds of terrible, horrible, unspeakable things will happen if anyone comes within ten metres of your 'private parts.'
I once stuck a 'Rape Me' sign to a classmate's back, which had the entire technical drawing class in hysteric in about three seconds.
I'm certain that we all enjoyed the sign on many levels, not least of which the logical paradox of a request for non-consensual sex.
However, the teacher just rolled his eyes, and muttered something about "primary school humour".
Like under 10s are tuned into the nuances of rape jokes, sir. Like that's the case. Sir.
I'm certain that we all enjoyed the sign on many levels, not least of which the logical paradox of a request for non-consensual sex.
However, the teacher just rolled his eyes, and muttered something about "primary school humour".
Like under 10s are tuned into the nuances of rape jokes, sir. Like that's the case. Sir.
Theoretically, if you write this on a clean board, it will drive your entire class to the brink of insanity, as they try to work out whether it is true or false. If it is one, it is automatically the other, yet the two are mutually exclusive.
What actually happens is some idiot writes 'Aodhna likes girls' and 'Johnny isn't gay.' Cunt.
What actually happens is some idiot writes 'Aodhna likes girls' and 'Johnny isn't gay.' Cunt.
The year after I left school, I discovered that one of my old RE teachers had, in his new group, an Arabic boy named Osama. On discovering this, he remarked "Oh, so you're a little terrorist."
I hear he has been suspended.
I hear he has been suspended.
Ask someone what their favourite number is, out of 8, 10, or 11.
If they say "8", make a circle with the thumb and index finger of both hands, and hold them one above the other to represent the figure 8. Then rapidly bonk the two circles together to represent lesbian sex. Numerologists agree that fans of the number 8 are dirty gay bummers.
If they say "11", extend both your index fingers and hold them next to each other to look like the number 11. Then bang the fingertips together rapidly to represent man-on-man action. Another bummer exposed.
If they say "10", extend the index finger of one hand and form a circle with the thumb and index finger of the other. Hold these up together so that it looks something like the number 10. Then put your finger through the hole to represent heterosexual intercourse. But keep your bum against the wall - the number 10 is the bummers' smokescreen.
If they say "8", make a circle with the thumb and index finger of both hands, and hold them one above the other to represent the figure 8. Then rapidly bonk the two circles together to represent lesbian sex. Numerologists agree that fans of the number 8 are dirty gay bummers.
If they say "11", extend both your index fingers and hold them next to each other to look like the number 11. Then bang the fingertips together rapidly to represent man-on-man action. Another bummer exposed.
If they say "10", extend the index finger of one hand and form a circle with the thumb and index finger of the other. Hold these up together so that it looks something like the number 10. Then put your finger through the hole to represent heterosexual intercourse. But keep your bum against the wall - the number 10 is the bummers' smokescreen.
If a man is predisposed to prostate cancer, he has to ejaculate at least once daily to avoid getting cancer of the penis which leads to either death or castration.
That's obviously what Mark's mum was doing.
That's obviously what Mark's mum was doing.
Actually, heterosexual anal sex is even gayer than sex between two men. See, gay men stick their dicks into each other\'s bums because neither has a pussy, and the bum is the closest thing they have.
With a woman, on the other hand, there\'s a perfectly good pussy there, and so going for the bum instead means that you\'re actively trying to do an act which they gays do only because it\'s the closest they can get to proper heterosexual sex. Hence, you\'re super-gay.
With a woman, on the other hand, there\'s a perfectly good pussy there, and so going for the bum instead means that you\'re actively trying to do an act which they gays do only because it\'s the closest they can get to proper heterosexual sex. Hence, you\'re super-gay.
At my school, things were a bit different.
If you simply say "jinx", the other person can\'t talk until somebody - anybody - says their full name three times.
There's also "personal jinx", which you must say while pointing at the jinxee while touching your throat with your other hand. Under a personal jinx, the jinxee can talk again if their name is said just once, but it must be said by the original jinxer.
Unfortunately, we didn't know that someone talking while jinxed earned a punch on the arm, so if someone broke the rules, we just whined about it. Because we were shit.
If you simply say "jinx", the other person can\'t talk until somebody - anybody - says their full name three times.
There's also "personal jinx", which you must say while pointing at the jinxee while touching your throat with your other hand. Under a personal jinx, the jinxee can talk again if their name is said just once, but it must be said by the original jinxer.
Unfortunately, we didn't know that someone talking while jinxed earned a punch on the arm, so if someone broke the rules, we just whined about it. Because we were shit.