Announced in 5th year that he was the dirtiest kid in the class because his name could be loosely rendered as follows: Fat Prick Screw Sac. At a time when such terms were hot currency, this lent him definite cachet. Patrick Cusack also told me leeringly one day that if you pulled your dick for long enough, white stuff would come out the end of it. Such a practice, he revealed, was called "mestempation", and furthermore he had done it himself. I thought this was the biggest load of bullshit I had ever heard in all my life. White stuff coming out the end of your dick? Chinny on, Patrick.

Two things - other amusing "all-rhyming names" are Big Horny Beaver (Sigourney Weaver) and Prick Fuck Balls (Mick Hucknall, from Pimply Head). Also, this is presumably the new 5th Year, and not the one that meant you were 15, when I were a lad

Mark told us that he had something wrong with his willy - and that to treat it, his mum had to squeeze it every night until white stuff came out of the end.
At the time, we were deeply sympathetic to this awful affliction, envisaging some kind of hideous penis-boil combo. Nowadays I'd be fascinated to know just what the hell Mark's mum thought she was up to.

If a man is predisposed to prostate cancer, he has to ejaculate at least once daily to avoid getting cancer of the penis which leads to either death or castration.

That's obviously what Mark's mum was doing.