durex club, popeye & coco pops songs
Sung to the tune of the 'Country Life Butter' advert, it went something like this:
Oh, we are the lads from the durex club,
and you'll never get a better bit of rubber on your knob,
it sticks to your dick like evo-stick,
and you can't get it off in the morning...
Imagine my horror when I learned that leaving condom removal to the next day was generally considered to be socially unacceptable. Also,
I'm Popeye the sailor man,
I live in a caravan,
I go to my granny,
And tickle her fanny,
I'm Popeye the sailor man.
Being from Burnley, I can believe it of many of the people who sang it.
Oh, we are the lads from the durex club,
and you'll never get a better bit of rubber on your knob,
it sticks to your dick like evo-stick,
and you can't get it off in the morning...
Imagine my horror when I learned that leaving condom removal to the next day was generally considered to be socially unacceptable. Also,
I'm Popeye the sailor man,
I live in a caravan,
I go to my granny,
And tickle her fanny,
I'm Popeye the sailor man.
Being from Burnley, I can believe it of many of the people who sang it.
written by Pa*dy , approved by Phil
To the tune of Uptown Girl;
Uptown Wally,
He's been living in a Tesco Trolley,
He's been going out with Action man,
They've been screwing in the A-Team van...
Uptown Wally's friend, Uptown Slag, had it slightly less cushy, and lived in a paper bag.
Uptown Wally,
He's been living in a Tesco Trolley,
He's been going out with Action man,
They've been screwing in the A-Team van...
Uptown Wally's friend, Uptown Slag, had it slightly less cushy, and lived in a paper bag.
written by Ia* E*ga*, approved by Phil
He's Popeye the sailor man
He lives in a caravan
With a crack in the middle
Where he does a piddle
He's Popeye the sailor man
There was also a crack in the roof where he did a poo.
He lives in a caravan
With a crack in the middle
Where he does a piddle
He's Popeye the sailor man
There was also a crack in the roof where he did a poo.
written by Iv*n *asi*le*ich, approved by Log
An alternative version of the Popeye song still has him living in a caravan, but adds a healthy dose of generational incest for good measure:
I'm Popeye the Sailor Man
I live in a caravan
I live with my granny
And play with her fanny
I'm Popeye the Sailor Man
I'm Popeye the Sailor Man
I live in a caravan
I live with my granny
And play with her fanny
I'm Popeye the Sailor Man
written by Un*a Fal*zz*, approved by Phil
A timeless replacement for the Coco Pops tune:
My name's Coco and I live in a tree,
I used to sell condoms for 25p,
Some for five and some for ten,
But I'd rather have one i could use again
Or the slightly more risqué:
My name's Coco and I live in a tree,
I used to sell drugs for 25p,
I kept my drugs in a little red box,
But I'd rather have it off with Samantha Fox
Of course, the more risqué version isn't quite so 'timeless', as only a geriatric old Stringfellow would want to shag Sam Fox these days. Probably.
My name's Coco and I live in a tree,
I used to sell condoms for 25p,
Some for five and some for ten,
But I'd rather have one i could use again
Or the slightly more risqué:
My name's Coco and I live in a tree,
I used to sell drugs for 25p,
I kept my drugs in a little red box,
But I'd rather have it off with Samantha Fox
Of course, the more risqué version isn't quite so 'timeless', as only a geriatric old Stringfellow would want to shag Sam Fox these days. Probably.
written by excluded pupil, approved by Phil
Another of the Popeye variations (did Elgar write these as well)
I'm Popeye the sailor man
I live in a caravan
I love to go swimmin'
With bare-naked wimmin'
I'm Popeye the sailor man.
Related to me by my errant father. It was very risque at the time. So much so in fact, that I distinctly remember my mum giving me a clip roud the ear for reciting it.
I'm Popeye the sailor man
I live in a caravan
I love to go swimmin'
With bare-naked wimmin'
I'm Popeye the sailor man.
Related to me by my errant father. It was very risque at the time. So much so in fact, that I distinctly remember my mum giving me a clip roud the ear for reciting it.
written by Mi*hael *or*yce, approved by Log
yet another variation
My name's Coco and Im a junkie like you,
I take lots of speed and heroin too
I love cocaine and ecstacy
But I'd rather have a bowl of LSD
My name's Coco and Im a junkie like you,
I take lots of speed and heroin too
I love cocaine and ecstacy
But I'd rather have a bowl of LSD
written by ia* dec*l, approved by Susan
I'm Popeye the sailor man,
I live in a frying pan.
I turn up the gas and I burn up my ass,
I'm Popeye the sailor man.
I live in a frying pan.
I turn up the gas and I burn up my ass,
I'm Popeye the sailor man.
written by an*nymou* u*er, approved by Log
a slightly surreal coco pops variation:
My name's Monkey,
I'm a coco like you,
I live in the jungle,
dressed like a shrew,
I swing from the shops
cause there aren't any trees,
but I'd rather have a bowl of cornflakes please.
The only reason i remember this at all is because the headmaster was so proud of the kid who thought it up he asked him to sing it in class.
My name's Monkey,
I'm a coco like you,
I live in the jungle,
dressed like a shrew,
I swing from the shops
cause there aren't any trees,
but I'd rather have a bowl of cornflakes please.
The only reason i remember this at all is because the headmaster was so proud of the kid who thought it up he asked him to sing it in class.
written by da* u*righ*, approved by Log
My name's Coco, I'm a monkey like you,
I live on drugs and a little bit of glue,
I have a condom in a little red box,
But I'd rather use it on Samantha Fox (oh yeah!)
I live on drugs and a little bit of glue,
I have a condom in a little red box,
But I'd rather use it on Samantha Fox (oh yeah!)
written by Ro* Mc*eek*n, approved by Log
He may have been the most powerful man in the universe, but even He Man was the target of abuse, with this, our version of the cartoon theme tune:
"I have the power to pick up a flower
for half an hour or more"
Sometimes he'd pee on the flower, rather than pick it up. I guess it depended on what kind of day he'd had, fighting Skeletor and that.
"I have the power to pick up a flower
for half an hour or more"
Sometimes he'd pee on the flower, rather than pick it up. I guess it depended on what kind of day he'd had, fighting Skeletor and that.
written by Ni*k *unt, approved by Susan
Come off it, that doesn't even fit the he-man music - it was actually "i have the power, to pick up a flower, it'll take me an hour or two".
(Dan, even that doesn't REALLY fit the He-Man tune. The version I used to sing was He has the power, to pick up a flower, in only an hour, or two... So there. Ner. - Log)
(Dan, even that doesn't REALLY fit the He-Man tune. The version I used to sing was He has the power, to pick up a flower, in only an hour, or two... So there. Ner. - Log)
written by da* upr*gh*, approved by Log
no No NO! it's;
I've got the power, to fart on a flower, but after an hour, it hurts.
Well, it would.
I've got the power, to fart on a flower, but after an hour, it hurts.
Well, it would.
written by Ri*hard *wan, approved by Log
I don't really want to add anything to this over-elongated list, but I do want you all to know just how much I hate how wrong you all are.
written by Da*y ., approved by Log
He's Popeye the sailor man
He lives in a pot of jam
The jam was so sticky
It stuck to his dicky
He's popeye the sailor man
For some reason, I saw fit to relate this particular version to my mum who, in turn, thought it would be a good idea if I sang it to my great granny down the phone. I was a bit unsure about this but she seemed to like it so that's OK. She's dead now.
He lives in a pot of jam
The jam was so sticky
It stuck to his dicky
He's popeye the sailor man
For some reason, I saw fit to relate this particular version to my mum who, in turn, thought it would be a good idea if I sang it to my great granny down the phone. I was a bit unsure about this but she seemed to like it so that's OK. She's dead now.
written by Wi*l H*yw*rd, approved by Phil
To the tune of Free, by Ultra Nate
My momma's got no money,
My daddy's on the dole,
They sent me off to Netto,
to nick a sausage roll.
I'm running home, with my Netto sausage roll,
I'm running home, with my Netto sausage roll.
Freed from starvation, with my Netto sausage roll.
The reason we found this funny was a combination of factors; first, the idiocy of stealing from the cheapest shop. Secondly, the lack of ambition in the theft; a single sausage roll, held aloft like the Olypmic Torch on the long run home. Thirdly, because we were from Barnsley, where people still throw rocks at the moon.
My momma's got no money,
My daddy's on the dole,
They sent me off to Netto,
to nick a sausage roll.
I'm running home, with my Netto sausage roll,
I'm running home, with my Netto sausage roll.
Freed from starvation, with my Netto sausage roll.
The reason we found this funny was a combination of factors; first, the idiocy of stealing from the cheapest shop. Secondly, the lack of ambition in the theft; a single sausage roll, held aloft like the Olypmic Torch on the long run home. Thirdly, because we were from Barnsley, where people still throw rocks at the moon.
written by Ge*rge*Harr*son, approved by Log
The ones i grew up with were
I'm popeye the sailor man
I live in a caravan
And when it gets chilly
I tickle my willy
im popeye the sailor man
My name is coco
I live in a tree
and i sell condoms for 25p
I paint 'em brown and i put them in a box
and u only get them free with coco pops
One major downfall was that condom look nothing like coco pops
but what the hell I was 11
I'm popeye the sailor man
I live in a caravan
And when it gets chilly
I tickle my willy
im popeye the sailor man
My name is coco
I live in a tree
and i sell condoms for 25p
I paint 'em brown and i put them in a box
and u only get them free with coco pops
One major downfall was that condom look nothing like coco pops
but what the hell I was 11
written by El*en Ro*erts, left hanging by Edward
I\'m Popeye the sailor-man
I live in a caravan
I went to the pictures
And down came my britches
I\'m Popeye the sailor-man!
Sadly my dad never revealed what happened next.
I live in a caravan
I went to the pictures
And down came my britches
I\'m Popeye the sailor-man!
Sadly my dad never revealed what happened next.
written by An*eMa*ie *att*nde*, left hanging by Log
And yet another version includes:
And when I go swimmin'
I watch the bare women
Which has a nice kind of primary school/ Victorian porn innocence to it, I think.
And when I go swimmin'
I watch the bare women
Which has a nice kind of primary school/ Victorian porn innocence to it, I think.
written by Ju*ian *ur*ell, disapproved by Susan
the oddly popular feces version
i'm popeye the sailor man
i shit in a frying pan
i fry it for dinner
i use no flipper
i'm popeye the sailor man
i'm popeye the sailor man
i shit in a frying pan
i fry it for dinner
i use no flipper
i'm popeye the sailor man
written by an*nymou* u*er, disapproved by Phil
Down in Jamaica
Up in a tree
Selling condoms
For fifty-nine p
Big ones, small ones,
Take your pick:
It all depends
On the size of your dick
Up in a tree
Selling condoms
For fifty-nine p
Big ones, small ones,
Take your pick:
It all depends
On the size of your dick
written by Lu*e *omerv*lle, disapproved by Susan
He's popeye the sailor man
he lives in a caravan:
a) when he gets silly, he sucks his own willy
b) when he goes swimmin', he gropes all the women
He's popeye the sailor man. ayethangyou.
he lives in a caravan:
a) when he gets silly, he sucks his own willy
b) when he goes swimmin', he gropes all the women
He's popeye the sailor man. ayethangyou.
written by an*nym*us us*r, disapproved by Log
another coco pops variant
My names Coco
I'm a monkey like you
I used to take drugs
but now i sniff glue
I used to buy them all from the corner shop
but i'd rather have a bowl of coco pops
Feel free to replace the glue reference with the much more wholesome line of but now i eat poo
My names Coco
I'm a monkey like you
I used to take drugs
but now i sniff glue
I used to buy them all from the corner shop
but i'd rather have a bowl of coco pops
Feel free to replace the glue reference with the much more wholesome line of but now i eat poo
written by Ch*is*Sl*ter, disapproved by Phil
Postman Pat, Postman Pat
Postman Pat ran over his cat
Blood and guts were flying
All the kids were crying
Pat is now a very happy man
Postman Pat ran over his cat
Blood and guts were flying
All the kids were crying
Pat is now a very happy man
written by Sl*b G*os*, disapproved by Log
This version sees Popeye still the resident of a caravan but displaying a more transexual bent
I'm Popeye the sailor man
I live in a caravan
I went to the pictures
And pulled down me knickers
I'm Popeye the sailor man
I'm Popeye the sailor man
I live in a caravan
I went to the pictures
And pulled down me knickers
I'm Popeye the sailor man
written by An*y Th* Pie*an, disapproved by Ponky