Running around, imagining that you know what an erection is, and hoping to touch a girl's gusset peach. Had you managed it, you would have been sick.

Kiss chase could also be extremely dangerous. I, for one, broke my arm chasing a weedy little boy. Damn, I wanted that kiss.

When I was invited to join the Kissing Girls - the exclusive club for the most popular girls in the school - I was naturally very excited. The sole purpose of the club was to chase boys around and kiss anyone they caught, amidst vague protestations of "ick". One day, I chased down a boy, rugby-tackled him to the ground, and then, when he refused to hold still, I jabbed him in the face with a sharp stick. I wasn't able to kiss him, because he was too busy crying and holding his bleeding face in his hands while everyone else looked on, aghast.

I suspect that it was my failure to deliver the kiss that was the reason the Kissing Girls never let me play with them again.

I always felt I was the king of Kiss Chase, as none of the girls could get near me. I ran like the wind and dodged tackles like a French rugby fly-half. And so I would often find myself in a corner of the playing field all on my own with nary a girl in sight. No girly germs for me thank you very much.

It was only ten years later that I realised all the other boys walked or stood still or 'tripped over' and got to spend the entire break snogging whilst I ran round on my own singing 'I am the Champion' like a fool.

A spin-off of this game became known as Blue Murder, a feature of summer lunch times in my junior school. Being a lowly second year I was never able to join in, but enjoyed watching the results of the chase.

A group of fourth year boys would randomly choose a girl to chase, catch her, then remove her knickers. Being only 10 yrs old the act of waving the kincikers around was far more enjoyable to these boys than checking out what they were covering up...and this happened in Stevenage, now the teen mother capital of England? Europe?..

For the longest time, every break time two girls from a couple of years below me would chase me around. At the start it was a kiss chase but being the shy boy I was and the infinite entertainment this chase provided for these girls. It quickly degraded into them chasing me around insisting they want to have my babies, a fuck chase I guess. I was unaware that at that age it would of been obviously impossible for me to get them pregnant.

It took friend to suggest that I call their bluff and actually offer to have sex with them. The fact that I was to young to get a stiffy and wouldn't know what to do with one is neither here nor there. They naturally called my bluff right back when I said we should go behind the tennis courts and "do it" and they wanted to "do it" right there in the middle of they playing fields.

To be honest I'm still a little nieve today. Five minutes ago having been over heard by the boss loudly exclaiming to a female colleague, "so it has to be hot and wet then". The debate was on the correct condition for snow to fall, naturally.