1. Grab a roll of toilet paper
2. Put one end in the toilet and throw the roll to your friend in the next cubicle. Get your friend to tear it off and put his end in his toilet.
3. Flush both toilets simultaneously.

The winner is the toilet that pulls the bigger half of the paper down its greedy sluice.

A knock-out tournament can then be organised to discover the "ultimate toilet". Nick Ledwell was incredibly proud that he used the ultimate toilet until it was pointed out that this was the toilet that loved guzzling shit the most, making it the ultimate gay toilet. And so the ultimate toilet became the least-used toilet.