Terrifying local who travelled various upper schools in the area, teaching what was labelled for convenience "Judo", but actually amounted to "Urban Survival Studies". He was an ex-army lunatic who would claim at least once per session that he could show us how to kill someone with one hand, but, obviously, wouldn't. This was a wise decision, as we would have put his technique into practice straight away.nnStan's finest moments included:nn1) Showing us how to break out of a neck hold, and then informing us he was going to wrap a fire hose around our necks and throttle us until we broke out or passed out. He did, too - luckily, he was actually quite a good teacher and we all made it. We had red necks, though.nn2) Lining us all against a wall, and demonstrating how easy it was to hurt someone without much effort by smacking his open palm into our noses, one by one. I was near the end, and got to watch a whole load of kids clutching their faces and moaning as he drew nearer.nn3) Grabbing a window-opening pole and running at a group of us, screaming and swinging it in a wide arc. most of us dodged, a couple got hit on the shins pretty hard. We learned.nn4) In a shock move, demonstrating effective teaching techniques by asking us whether stalactites went up or down. We didn't know, so he said he'd tell us, and we'd never forget. The lesson: "If you've got a beautiful woman in front of you and she's wearing tights, what are you going to do? YOu're going to pull them down. So remember, stalacTITES come down." We never forgot, and you won't, either.nn5) Useful demonstration of what to do "if a coon comes at you with a broken bottle".nnAs I said, he got work in a whole bunch of Northampton schools, unless he used to just walk in with his back of judo outfits and shanghai his students. We didn't really care, it was better than rugby and there was always the outside chance he might relent and tell the secret of one-handed killing. A couple of years after school I saw Stan in the town carnival, dressed as a clown and riding a penny farthing. Big mover on the charity scene, apparently. So.

I remember Stan, and have fond memories of being picked on for his "demonstrations" where he proceded to either half dislocate my shoulder or near snap my neck. I'm sure he claimed to have killed a crocodile once.