I don't get this. Did they DNA test his poo or something? Did somebody else actually use his poo with the sole purpose of framing him?

PROBABLY still at large? No I don't get it neither. If I were you I'd make a joke of tearing the story to pieces to make the point that we don't believe him and that he was banged to rights.

I was framed for spreading shit in primary school. One lunchtime, one of my masterpieces, a large brown shit around the size of a hand grenade was applied to the walls of a boys toilet cubicle. My headmaster called an impromptu assembly at the start of the next lesson and I was blamed, but the real shit spreader is probably still at large.

AS YOUTHS IN THE LATE SEVENTIES/EIGHTIES WE WERE ALL IN GANGS. WE WERE PunX N SKINZ BUT THE WAS ONE LAD WHO WAS A SMOOTHY(Scouse for casual dress). HE HAD THE FIRST PAIR OF POLYVELDTS WE'ED EVER SEEN,WE ALL HAD NICKNAMES BACK IN THE DAY. AN CONSEQUENTLY HIS NAME BECAME "Veltz"!!!
FIN@M@N L@

We've already got the gold standard for naming a man after his shoes. Thanks for whatever the fuck that was, though!

A group of boys sits at a table while a girl goes around under the table giving blow-jobs at random. The object of the game is to keep a straight face.

You know what? This didn't happen.

Our school pool became a repository for footballs, tennis balls, blazers and the odd first year sometime in the seventies. By the time my generation got to it, Prefects were required to gaurd it at lunch times, presumably from thirsty first years. During this time, the school was subjected to an assembly on how due to "inconsideration stemming back some years" the population of the school pool now extended to several breeds of fish, some of which could not be legally removed. Making the building of the new staff room quite difficult.

To reiterate the facts: you couldn't build a staff room in a swimming pool because it was so full of tennis balls that protected species of fish had moved in? Is that a fair summary of your story? If so, fuck right off and away, I'm not having it.

Growing up in New York State , U. S. A. , a version of " spaz/retarded/fag " , etc. , was " Bocie "...I'm sure that it came from BOCES , the acronym for N. Y. State's " special " education department ( Um...Something Something Something Educational Services . ) . My version of it is , of course , phoenetic , and , may well be subject to variations !!!!!!!!! I do not know if NYS's equivalent department goes by that name now , this is some decades agone ... While I guess that this site is more British-oriented , the whole English-speaking world is your oyster , correct ??????? And , I'll assume that you're familiar with the American " spaz/retard " , etc. , referred to above...

You know what, I think the thing that upsets me most about this is all the gaps between everything. How can you make USA take up nine characters? Jesus WEPT

Once when I was in secoundary school, this bloody tosser came up round this girl we knew as Stephanie Stank ( real name Stephanie Stanck) and triend to pull up my skirt so that him and his mates could all have a good look. Well, they were able to get the skirt up to Stephanie's head, but sad for them, good ol' Steph hadn't changer her nickers for three days. (She was wereing those nickers with the days on them like they had in the 70s). Well needless to say, we all thought it was funny, and the day after me and my mates slipped a note to the tosser saying

What a cliffhanger! This really is the standard we're aiming for here in Cockfinger's Department of the Wrong. Do you think you've got a story as lacking in everything as this? Come on. I fucking dare you.

A lad in my Geography class was called "Guy Brewin"... once when he really annoyed both me and a few friends, the name on his book was swiftly changed to "Gay's Brewin A Fart"

I knew this guy once who was called "Jezz Gobbler". Whenever he left the room we would all form a massive conga line singing songs of his heroic deeds. It's only now I realise his name sounds like someone gulping down spunk. Missed a fucking trick there, thinking about it.

Biget-anne was sitting in on our math class, god knows why, and we had a subsitute teacher, briget gave herself the name of a girl who was away that day, Nicola. after many such pranks in which she clearly repeated 'my name is nicola' she left, after a pole dance in a state of undress. Nicola got expelled and the subsitute got fired for ringing nicola and taking her out to dinner, why the real nicola wnet is not know, apart from her super slutty nature.

Congratulations, you win the "I'm a massive fucking liar" award. On the upside, at least Biget-Anne won't find herself on Google, as her name almost certainly isn't spelled like that.

during a sex-ed class the girls went first and were given a green vibrator to practice putting a condom on, and quite weirdly, how to suck on a cock, then the lads went up and we had to pull down our zippers and make the dildo look like our cock and put a condom on, only when we came to the last boy his nob fell out, and it was like 2 cms big, he left the school forever later that week.

I'm scratching my chin SO MUCH right now that my hand is a blur. Pass this one around, and let's see who's bullshit chinometer hits the highest rating

I just think he's far too close to his sister - I didn't so much as look at mine for the first thirteen years of my life. Bool!

Passing it on. Did Jamie just admit to fancying his sister?

I am scratching my chin so fiercly it could power central London indefinitely. Passing on for more chinnage.

TOOOOOOTENKHAAAAAAAMOOOOOON

The pranks we play at school are very complex and VERY funny- when you're not being targeted! I pranked a boy, with his sister's help, into believing that he had a stalker. This stalker was madly in love with him and wanted to do various gross things with him. I even wrote a love letter to this boy on behalf of the stalker and his sister left flowers on his pillow every night. He was freaked out and actually changed schools and when that didn't work he moved in with relatives, that's how good we were. His sister and I don't have the heart to tell him hat it was a joke, so he still lives in fear over the stalker!

Fatty and Skinny went on holiday
There was a fucking storm and it blew the cunts away
The kids all laughed and pointed as Skinny blew around
But Fatty crushed the bastards when he fell back to the ground.
(Optional "a-men" at the end.)

to join the anuls of drunken defecation,

id like to submit an old friend of mine, Ralph. who upon drinking a number of bottles of fine wine at a party at our friends house, promptly passed out in the locked (from the inside) bathroom.
once our friends parents had returned home and broken the door down . they found a half naked Ralph rolling around in a cocktail of bodily waste still holding his trumpet in his hand ( not his manliness...but an actual trumpet!)

Genius

I just heard Cockfingers spaffing his knickers.

I have a reluctancy to make this story active

Well my friend works part time for the roadrunner records team , and so gets a great deal of stickers , promotional things from bands etc. in turn for gig tickets.

one day he turned up at school with a load of hatebreed stickers that as usual we went round sticking on the most unlikley places:
- on the actual rims of the toilets and seats

so we finished sticking about 35 stcikers on this one toilet, and left for our classes. when we walked past the toilet later that day, there was an almighty stench of shit, and like always you go in to investigate.

someone (i assume some foolish year 7) would rather than sit on hatebreed stickers shat all over the floor resulting in a brown mess and a reluctancy to go near that toilet again

The version I remember ran thusly, in this way as described:

Fatty and Skinny went to bed,
Fatty rolled over and Skinny was dead.

Twele year old C.C. managed to do it 111 , yes a HUNDRED AND ELEVEN times during one day - including lessons and meetings , in fron of witnesses !!! Ended having to goto the school nurse the next day , coz he had a blister on it ! Most I ever managed was 18 times aged 10 !

What she was actually trying to say was, "leave my Ralph alone". Ralph's mum was a orca-like colossus of a woman with a wobbly mouse face and raspberry blancmange legs. Her protective cry of "LEAFMER RAL FLONE!" was honked into the atmosphere by her blubber blubber blub-blub jowels. She drove a Mini called "Custard Cream", presumably because the idea of her sitting in a giant biscuit made her wet her bloomers in morbid ecstasy.

Nope, me neither.

A 'wedding' arranged between a shy boy and girl's friends, or as a windup. The couble would meet somwhere while there 'friends' stood round and shouted "Wedding!!!" and "Kiss/hug!!!".
Deeply sad.

Cunting fucking christ.

Game played by usually 2 people, or more if they choose not to move off the bench

2 people wud both sit on a bench, and try and push the other person off the other side onto the floor just using the strength. If one of the contestants arses lifts off the bench then they lose.

Much more fun wen theres a 3rd or even 4th person/people sitting in the middle where u can both squash the middle people until they either move or cry. Games of upto 10 people werent uncommon...also sumtimes bags of the contestants were launched at said contestants heads to put them off

One rainy day at school Billy the Virgin came up to us and asked us all to eagerly, if we wanted to play Lord of the rings with him. We looked at each other uncertain whether he was serious or not, until Abel said: 'ok but you can be Gimpli.' to general hilarity, which was greeted by a very hesitant 'ok' from Billy. He became known as Billy the Gimp and Forest Gimp which added to the list of names he was 'christened' with.

All bathrooms, from elementary right up to post-secondary, have three urinals. The middle one is ALWAYS the gay.

Could this be THE most BORING entry ever?
It's certainly up there. FFS.

LOL we've all been there!

I nearly weed myself in the first lesson of Year 7 History when, having tuned out of the whole thing and staring wistfully out of the window I was suddenly treated to the teacher standing about a foot behind me and shouting "YOU, BOY! PAY ATTENTION!"

How can Ben Vesey be explained? Ginger, small, weak but surprisingly violent. His college story is a promising one.

1. He breaks various computer in an attempt to 'protect himself from airbourne objects'. Nails,screws, bens own bag. Whatever was closest

2. He loses all possible respect he couldve earnt the very first day by telling us our music sounded like 'A demented horse with a cock up its arse'. Being a vesey he'd know such a sound

3.During breaks we were rather planning on playing Counter Strike. I notice jay has melted chocolate in his hand, I chase ben with it. He genuinely beleived it was shit. He runs into the Counter strike organiser. rips his 80 pound armani jacket.Breaks into a fit of tears. Not to mention his other outstanding debts with us

4. First day, hes offered a cigarette. He breaks it in half and walks away. Way to score points there

5. EXTREMELY homophobic so must so, he beat me round the head with a pool cue for simply walking behind him
oh how we exploited that

Ben vesey was and is the stuff legends are made of. in short, the kid you love to hate

"Don't put your feet on your desk, would you put your feet on the furniture at home?"

"Duh... Yeah, WHAT KIND OF FUCKED UP ANAL HOME DO YOU LIVE IN?"

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"I've had complaints from the cleaners about all the mud and litter thats been left around the school?"

"What the fuck for, WE'RE KEEPING THEM IN A JOB?"

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"If no one is going to own up then you can all stay in on detention, AND I DON'T THINK THE ONES RESPONSIBLE ARE GOING TO BE VERY POPULAR!"

"Fucked up logic there Miss, cos the one fucking responsible is the hardest fucker in the year at the back of the class, with his equally psycho mates who are gonna be in detention no matter what so aint arsed, but will kick the shit out of anyone who snitches on them!"

When i was in primary school there was this dinner lady person that hated kids. i think it was becaue we all used to take the piss out of her and her coat that had a hole in it in the shape of pacman but anyway i think she hit a kid and now she works in a swimming pool, i dont no how that works out but anyway. We graciously gave her the name SCARY MARY!!!

we called them "chatterboxes", and im not a girl nor have i ever owned a mood ring, but we would ask victims to stick their finger in, and as they put their finger out you would slam your fist down on it, crushing it against the desk.