I recently noticed that Oasis fruit juice bottles have 'Chug It' written on the top, followed by 'open by hand'. Beat that.

Like sardines, yet more violent. Still catering to the newly evolved homoeroticism of school kids. Basically, someone falls over on the hard gravel floor of the playground, and everyone else jumps on them. Pile-ons were regularly arranged for various break times as well, but few people were daring enough to be the first. Often led to serious injuries.

Having managed to buy a copy of Viz from a newsagent who didn't realise it was rude, I took it to school to impress people.
It was promptly confiscated by a P.E. teacher who, at the end of the day, gave it back with a grin and an angerless "you little scamp" tousle of my hair.
Within a second of him turning around, the other P.E. teacher confiscated it and kept it for an entire week.
How come one P.E. teacher managed to struggle through it in the course of only a single day, whilst the other took a week to mouth-breath his way through it?

Top 5 Reasons it might take a PE teacher a week to read Viz:
  1. His fists are so clenched with perpetual rage that he has to turn the pages clumsily with his knuckles.
  2. Every time he gets a joke, he has to take it to his girlfriend and say "that naughty cos the man dun poo wen he sed he wuddunt".
  3. He spent three days staring at the Vibrating Bum-Faced Goats before deciding it didn't make him want to wank.
  4. In a moment of hungry confusion, he ate the Viz, and it took him a week to buy another because "doing things is like riddles".
  5. He stupid.

You like football. Your surname is Kirwan. Ok 'til you score a goal and people start chanting it.

Sometimes we used to play a deliberate bumming game (careful now), where the cigarette would be passed around with each participant deliberately making the butt wetter than before. The 'winner' would be the last one prepared to suck on this disgusting morsel.

The metal rulers at our school were in a rack labelled "Metal Rules", prompting us 'metallers' to shout "METAL RULES!" whenever passing it. I find more and more recently that this is true.

The village of Shilbottle in Northumberland was regularly... oh surely you all get the point by now - Phil

My mate Greg Jolley was the undisputed master of barrrrrrn! Whatever he mimed, whatever he was describing, this all-purpose sound effect would be in there somewhere. Examples...
(Describing an episode of Hammer House of Horror) "And the hitch-hiker raises his hand up to the bloke's face like this, barrrrrrn..."
"And this massive aeroplane went barrrrrrn..."
"And then this bloke came out and I went 'peg it!' and we went barrrrrrn..."

Nah, but teaspoons do. Steal three teaspoons from the dining room. One each in live and neutral ( before the days of shuttered sockets this ). Flick the switch, then drop the third teaspoon across the now live pair.
As I discovered, one almighty fuck off great big bang later, and the transformer that serviced that block caught fire.
Most amusing. So much so I repeated it whenever I could. Damn the day when the circuit breaker was installed. Damn it and its eyes to hell and back.

A Trevor or Bronno who wears the clothes of others. Usually inferred from overt signs of poverty (tousled hair, Blue Riband biscuits), as it was hard to tell from the clothes themselves.