This was also sung as: In the jungle with Jeffery and Bungle, Zippy bit my foot (ow!) In the jungle with Jeffery and Bungle, Zippy bit my foot (ow!) I limp away, I limp away, I limp away... etc

At the given command of 'porn break' which must be loud enough for the all members of the class to hear. As many people as they dared stood up at their desks and re-enacted the movements of their favourite porno flick (by themselves, no homo porno was allowed). Props were allowed including chairs, tables, cupboards, bins and board rubbers. This went on for a maximum of five seconds, when everyone sat down and carried on working in complete silence as if nothing had ever happened.

Half the fun was the expression on the teachers faces, where you could see 'did that just actually happen?'. Most of the hard pressed staff chose to ignore it. Until Russell, a genius playground terrorist, took it too far and ran up to a French teacher during a porn break, and pretended that she was giving him a blowjob, then fucking her, then he bent over in an act that, I can only guess, was her rimming his arse. We all paused, mid-pump and gaped in awe and respect.

A friend of mine convinced me that this (utterly fantastic, i now realise) song by The Vapors was in fact called 'done a japanese', and that it was a song about having done a particularly noxious fart, known (for reasons not recorded by history) as "a japanese".
We were too young to realise it was about wanking, which would have been funnier.

Whether someone was a bummer or not could easily be divined from the pitch and timbre of their farts. A tight, peachy squit meant you were fine, whereas a resonant, guttural blotch implied that your sphincter had been loosened from undue bumming.

Simon Cowan was a very tall very thin bloke, and as such was prone to unwarranted attacks. As a defence mechanism, he developed the guffy mong. This was a disconcerting fit, heavy on the spazzy flips and Tourette's Syndrome honking and barking. This would disconcert his assailants to the point where they'd simply leave him alone. Proving that even the most primitive societies have an innate respect for the insane.

1991, and Matty was staying over at Taylor's house. Taylor's mum and dad had gone out and when they returned, Taylor's parents sent the two fourteen year olds off to bed in a perfectly normal fashion. The following day, when viewed through the inexplicable filter of rumour madness, this gradually:

Became: Taylor's mum and dad came back pissed up and sent the lads packing.
Became: Taylor's dad was drunkenly groping Taylor's mum whilst slurring 'It's OK, love, the lads are going upstairs now'.
Became: Taylor's mum and dad went into the kitchen to have it off, regardless of who was where in the house.
Became: They were so pissed up and randy, they had sex IN THE OVEN while Taylor cried.

Needless to say Matty, who was recounting the story, remained cool and aloof throughout the sordid carry-on.

Insult currently in use amongst 5-6 year olds. They simply like the sound of it, and are probably not even aware that it is a highly sophisticated conjunction of the words 'gay' and 'Flymo'.

One girl in my class was convinced the school milk came from rabbits. How the hell she thought you'd fit a milking machine on tiny little rabbit baps I have no idea.

My brother used to put pink food colouring (not Nesquik or anything cool, just dye) in milk and call it dragon's milk. Why he didn't get beaten up more often I have no idea either.

Works when the tables are arranged in a three-sides-of-a-square formation. While the teacher is out the room, one person is nominated to select desks in or desks out , which is written down and passed around the room once the teacher returns. This may seem fairly pointless, but it adds to the general feeling of naughtniess. Every time the teacher turns his back to write on the board, everyone should move their tables in or out, according to the mandate. Some teachers can be extraordinarily slow to catch on to this, and therefore it can be quite upsetting for them to realise that no-one's been paying attention at all, and have been simply laughing for the last ten minutes.

Are you ABC? Watch out! What ABC stands for depends on your response.

Say yes, and you've confessed to being an African Bum Cleaner. Say no, and you've just denied that you are A Brilliant Child

This doesn't exactly work if you're going to be a dick about grammar. And it is, to be fair, only really funny if they say "yes", because that's the only way you get to say "oh Jesus you're an African Bum Cleaner, this is most irregular".