| Report for adam slater | |
|---|---|
| Approved stories | 1 |
| Rejected stories | 1 |
| Deleted stories | 4 |
| Summary | Mean Boy |
there was this one kid who fromearliest days of junior school seemed to have a weird connection between his bladder control and how funny he found a particular situation. One occasior saw him slowly walk from one of those rod-jane-and-freddy style touring shows in the assembly hall leaving a sizable puddle in the croud of crossed legged 8 year olds, and a trail of drips that ran from it, down the row, past the stage and outside..... im still laughing about that one.
a few years later, at secondary school a protracted schoolyard joke left this unfortunate boy needing the toilet and i, with my knowledge of what could happen if he didnt make it in time, stood blocking the door... the poor chap did what i still recall as the funniest dance ive ever seen for a few minutes before despoiling his new 'big-school' uniform.... the bullies never forgot, and neither did I.
a few years later, at secondary school a protracted schoolyard joke left this unfortunate boy needing the toilet and i, with my knowledge of what could happen if he didnt make it in time, stood blocking the door... the poor chap did what i still recall as the funniest dance ive ever seen for a few minutes before despoiling his new 'big-school' uniform.... the bullies never forgot, and neither did I.
I used to live near an old mill pond, and occasionally perch would appear, dead in the reedy edges.
Commenting that one of these perch - with its slack, gaping mouth and beady eyes - looked like my friend's mother, I leant in to note the similarities further.
Just as my friend, enraged at this scaled clone's likeness, jumped on it, launching a mixture of shoe dirt and perch guts into my mouth.
So, I can verify that this is what happens when someone jumps on a dead perch. If you are looking into its mouth.
Commenting that one of these perch - with its slack, gaping mouth and beady eyes - looked like my friend's mother, I leant in to note the similarities further.
Just as my friend, enraged at this scaled clone's likeness, jumped on it, launching a mixture of shoe dirt and perch guts into my mouth.
So, I can verify that this is what happens when someone jumps on a dead perch. If you are looking into its mouth.
one day in a mock exam in 5th form physics, a spare set of electrical cables an a gas tap nearly ended the exam mysery of a whole class. one rather slow individual inserted one end of a copper wire into one eletrical plug socket, and whilst simply inserting the other end into the adjacent plug socket would have been dangerous enough, he used his other hand to turn on the gas-tap nearby. He caused a blue flash which shorted out the entire school and a very dramatic fireball which seriously singed the lads jumper. The worst bit about the whole incident was that the physics teacher simply walked out of the classroom and wasnt seen until the following term. dickhead.
more safety using barley could be gained by adding '... on the wall' or '...on the tree'. the coincidence that the barleyer was always by a wall or tree at the time was missed by a bunch of saddleworth eight year olds.
an unfortunate kid started off in the first year getting all the verbal abuse associated with wearing one of those star trek style hearing aids... by the second year he was developing a cataract in his adjacent eye which of course led to compounded jeering, and by the end of third year his leg was beginning to play up leaving him with a noticable hobble.... this had to be the greatest blessing on all bullies who began chanting 'one ear.. one eye.. one leg... Broomhead' which was the unfortunate name for an unfortunate person. i sincerely hope no-more bits stopped working after we left school, because if they did i missed the fun.
the last week of the last year of junior school was of course a ten-year-olds idea of a complete piss take, you wereallowed to bring games and all that bollocks. anyway it was suggested that we have a video afternoon and all sorts of pussy cartoons and lassie type films were suggested. I only lived 100m away from school and wandered home and picked up a crappy Hammer-Horror film of 'Zoltan, hound of Dracula' that had been on late night ITV. the teacher agreed, and putting it on caused terror and nightmares in around a dozen or the rather more sensitive children... lots of parents complained and the teacher denied knowing what the film was all about. but tricky that last bit; how could 'Zoltan, hound of Dracula' be mistaken for a fucking cartoon?