| Report for Lee M | |
|---|---|
| Approved stories | 4 |
| Pending stories | 3 |
| Deleted stories (hidden) | 6 |
| Summary | Could Try Harder |
Cunt. Nothing more to say.
One guy at our school Paul (I forget his second name) got bit by a cat when he was about 6 so he always hated cats after that. Anyway any chance he got to capture a cat he would. He would then bury it up to its neck in the dirt and attempt to kick its head off in one go. He nearly always did, the sick bastard!
At primary school we were privileged to see a play about pirates performed by semi-professional actors. Nicholas, the fattest boy in the school, kept heckling, saying "That wouldn't happen on a ship". After he'd said this a few times, one of the actors got so irritated that he stopped acting and said "How do you know that?". Fat Nick replied in a smug nim nim nim tone, "Because my dad lived on a ship for 5 years". To which the actor replied "And what was your dad, son, a barrel?".
And so "Fat Barrel Nick" was born.
And so "Fat Barrel Nick" was born.
Never point out a big human turd on the school playing field to the hardest kid in the class and say "Ahhh Dean, you could've waited!" (especially when the PE teacher has said "Go to the fields I'll be there in 5 mins.")
As Paul Talbot found out, Dean will sit you in it and you'll have shit smeared all over the arse of your red shorts.
As Paul Talbot found out, Dean will sit you in it and you'll have shit smeared all over the arse of your red shorts.
One day there were not enough chairs in the music room, so Daljit Kaur was told to sit at the piano. As the lesson began, Trevor Woodfield shouted, "Play it again, Dalj!". To Daljit's chagrin, other music lovers followed suit, urging him to "play it again" at regular intervals throughout the lesson. When the bell rang for English, the reluctant pianist ran to West Indian teacher Mrs Sutherland and falsely accused us of calling her a "black bastard". Mrs Sutherland gave us all detention. Racist.
A mate of a mate called David Burrows was never very academic but a good footballer at school and was always told he'd amount to nothing by his form tutor. When he signed for Liverpool from West Bromwich Albion, he took his cheque for £50,000 to show the red-faced know it all.
Admin adds: A quick google search for David Burrows reveals that he signed to Liverpool for £500,000 in 1988. He played at the Hillsborough fire game, you know. So put THAT in your pipe and smoke it, Mr Form Tutor. Just be careful where you stub it out. - Matt
Admin adds: A quick google search for David Burrows reveals that he signed to Liverpool for £500,000 in 1988. He played at the Hillsborough fire game, you know. So put THAT in your pipe and smoke it, Mr Form Tutor. Just be careful where you stub it out. - Matt
One snowy day I was walking behind a pair of gays from my school. I didn't know them but the taller one was a bit pikey and he was holding hands with a shorter gay who had a grey dufflecoat on with the hood up. So it was my duty as an upright citizen to smack a snowball off the back of the hood, what a shot it was and what a shock I got when the "kid" turned round and shouted "you cheeky little bastard" it was actually the pikeys mom. She was only about 4'10" and she called me little!
After having a minor fracas with some kids from the next door school, when we were a safe enough distance to be brave we started shouting "Fuck off, you fat bastards!" All of a sudden a fat bloke looked up from the bonnet of a car we were near and said "You what? Come here!" and started chasing us, we were scared for 10 seconds until the portly chap ran out of breath and stopped, so we stopped and I said "Knackered now eh? Fat bastard!" He got a second wind and chased us a bit more, we goaded the fat cunt into chasing us 3 more times before he realised what a sad fuck he was being and he walked home with us following him saying "Going home for a pie fatty?" Served him right for being a stupid Fat bastard!