| Report for Eamonn Keane | |
|---|---|
| Approved stories | 1 |
| Pending stories | 1 |
| Rejected stories | 5 |
| Deleted stories | 10 |
| Summary | Mean Boy |
When we first started playing football in school there was one guy who brought in the ball every day, and so obviously he dictated the whole game. When we picked teams, everyone lined up at the wall and he picked his entire team. The leftovers went on the opposite team. So basically it was always the best 8 players vs. the worst 8 players. And I was always on the shit team. We lost every single day by at least a dozen goals. One day the headmaster forgot to call us in for ages, so we had about a 50-minute lunchbreak, and we lost by forty-two goals to three.
There was a fat kid in my class called Bob. Thursday was designated "Grab Bob" day, so every Thursday a posse of about twenty assembled and marched, singing songs, to the basketball court where he always was. We charged at him, and everyone had to grab a piece of his flab while he fought us off.
If they say yes: "You're a test tube baby!"
If they say no: "Then how did you get out of the test tube?"
If they say no: "Then how did you get out of the test tube?"
An enormous black lad in our class got "midwife" and no-one ever let him forget it.
how often do geography classes discuss yemen and oman?
We had to sing this in school: "Ave Maria, gratia plena, Dominus tecum, Benedictatus." But the last word could be pronounced "Benny dick tattoos", which made the whole hour of choir practice worthwhile.
Don't answer your age!
You see, a circle is a pussy, a 1 is a cock; so 8 is a lesbian, 11 is gay, and 10 is 'normal'.
Gave hours of entertainment.
You see, a circle is a pussy, a 1 is a cock; so 8 is a lesbian, 11 is gay, and 10 is 'normal'.
Gave hours of entertainment.
A boy in the class above me - I am not making this up - once said to someone "Once I put my finger up my ass and I could feel the poo." Henceforth he received the greatest and most humiliating nickname of all time: Brownfinger.
When I was in Junior Infants (the first year in Irish primary school) we had a teacher called Miss Hall who was about 60 years old. She kept the classroom key on top of the blackboard. One day she left the room to photocopy some stuff, or maybe to take a shit, I don't know. In any case, she unwisely left thirty five-year-olds alone and unsupervised. Jason Millea climbed onto her chair, stood up on it and took the key, and then locked the classroom door. Miss Hall returned, and proceeded to bang the door hysterically. So much was added to the story over the years that I'm not sure what actually happened after that, but in the end Kathleen Lavery got the key and let the teacher back in. Kathleen was never, ever forgiven for this.
how many ethiopians can you fit in a shopping trolley?
none, they all fall through the holes.
what's the fastest thing in the world?
an ethiopian chasing a bread van.
what's the scabbiest thing in the world?
the bread van's empty.
Ah, those were simple times.
none, they all fall through the holes.
what's the fastest thing in the world?
an ethiopian chasing a bread van.
what's the scabbiest thing in the world?
the bread van's empty.
Ah, those were simple times.
We had "Mars" and "Snickers". Snickers was a dick, possible because it has nuts.
When I was about 6 everyone was small enough to lock the cubicles and climb out under the door. But the caretaker never bothered trying to unlock them so climbing in and out under the door became commonplace. There were probably some pupils who were unaware that there was any other way of getting in.
Frank's girlfriend was on life support. She was in a coma for two whole school years, yet somehow sweet Frank stayed faithful.
One day some people asked if they could go and see her. No they couldn't, because she'd died over the summer.
One day some people asked if they could go and see her. No they couldn't, because she'd died over the summer.
A similar game:
"Think of a country starting with D."
"Now think of an animal starting with that country's second letter."
"There aren't any elephants in Denmark!"
I astonished my whole class with my psychic powers. Before some asshole went to the atlas and found Djibouti and Dominica. The cunt.
"Think of a country starting with D."
"Now think of an animal starting with that country's second letter."
"There aren't any elephants in Denmark!"
I astonished my whole class with my psychic powers. Before some asshole went to the atlas and found Djibouti and Dominica. The cunt.
somehow i doubt a childrens song would contain the wrods 3,4-methyln-dioxy-methamphetamine.
Version of "heads and volleys", except the loser, instead of being beaten, has to stand facing the wall while everyone gets to kick the ball at him. Presumably his ass would be red after being hit a dozen times with a football, although most of preferred to aim for the skull. The game died off when I expertly curled the ball into the side of one boy's head, knocking his retina out of place. (Seriously.)
i was called "chocolate biscuit" for a while too, based on the bizarre assumption that my parents didn't allow me eat them. They DID allow me, you cunts! I brought in a whole packet one day, just to show. They all got robbed, every one.