Matthew was the only child in our school lucky enough to have a colostomy bag, the school in their wisdom decided that an assembly would be the best way to promote understanding.
Imagine trying to explain to a group of five-year-olds why someone has to shit in a bag and carry it around all day.
Maybe now you can imagine Matthew's predicament, from now on he was the poo collector, and it became apparent to us that if he collects his own poo, he should want to collect ours, and was therefore to be avoided at all costs. So we managed to make the chronically ill kid in our year a chronically ill outcast.
As far as I know he's still alive somewhere, filthy cunt.