actually, my dad's in a wheelchair
Used in response to someone insulting your father, or any other family member, said tearfully and sincerely. The victim would hopefully say "Oh shit, I'm sorry", and then you'd laugh in their face.
written by Be* , approved by Log

With the assistance of a friend, this can also be the punchline to a joke on a third party. Go up to X and tell him to ask Y (your mate) if his dad is still scoring goals for England. Y then responds in the manner suggested. "You bastard, my dad's lost his legs in the war" is a suggested alternative.
Warning : This will only work on children who give a shit. Truly obnoxious children will reply "Good", leaving you with little recourse but to weakly say "Well he isn't anyway, so there".
written by Pe*er*Piper, approved by Log

Karen asked Adam, innocently enough: "Have you had your hair cut?"
"No" said Adam, "I've got leukemia"
Co-incidentally, so had Karen's brother.
I think she'd just about stopped crying by about lunchtime.
written by An*y M*nsh, approved by Susan

Mr Pascoe was (and i think is) a chemistry teacher, and the kind of teacher who was such a natural victim that it made you wonder why on earth he decided to enter the teaching profession. He was known as "Spaz-coe". This was made more pertinent and wrong by the fact one of his children had cerebral palsy.
written by To* D* Ve*chi, approved by Susan