Fog, The
Fog, The

Book by James Herbert and most peoples first experience of breathing takingly, eye poppingly, gobsmackingly, hardcore pornography. (If you are 11)

Fog, The could be read in public with total impunity, as it’s cover in no way belied the graphic, frank depictions of adult lovemaking that could be found within.

The only problem with Fog, The was Herbert’s use of sex as metaphor. Herbert explores the idea of sex as celebration of life, with death as the great disclosure, revealing the lonliness and horror of life’s seedy underbelly with the literary device of contrast. ("In the midst of life we are in death", and so on.) To demonstrate life’s rich tapestry of light and dark, pleasures and woes, sex is used to throw death into sharp relief, and vice versa.

This means that just as a sex scene was getting to the really filthy bit, the character would chop off their own cock with a pair of gardening shears, or throw themselves into the sea on top of a load of corpses after a big lezzing session.

Most psychosexual dsyfuntions can be attributed to early childhood exposure to Fog, The.

(See also: American Psycho, Judy Blume’s Forever)
written by Su*an*Toba*co, approved by Susan

In a similar vein to The Fog there was The Lair, sequel to The Rats. It had a juicy scene in but at least these lovers got to finish humping before they both got killed. It was my first encounter with anything vaguely pornographic and as such was read and re-read so many times the book fell apart. I can still almost quote it verbatim. "At 25, Alan was up and coming, at 34 Babs was down and hadn't been coming enough..."

It goes on to descibe how he'd taken her over the filing cabinets and she'd dragged him yelping round the office with his bollocks tied by his tie. Still, they were having an affair so they probably deserved to get eaten by gigantic fuckoff rats.

(Also, in Creed, there was a bit where a nasty lady wanked off the hero and wiped her fanny with his "juices", (what a word, Mr. Herbert, what a word!) which created hundreds of little sex ghosts that floated around the room. I think James Herbert needs to give his mother a ring and start asking questions –Susan.)
written by an*ny*ous u*er, approved by Susan

Pages 63 and 64 of The Terminator contain a graphic depiction of Sarah Connor's flatmate and her boyfriend having wild sex. When dropped, the book would magically fall open to these rather gummy pages.
written by excluded pupil, approved by Log

When deciding which library book to take out from the school library, simply hold the book by the covers, and turn it upside down. The 'well thumbed' pages, containing either breasts or imaginative death, would fall apart.
More pages breaks mean more racy passages, which you can then learn and mumble under your breath instead of saying the Lord's Prayer in Assembly.
written by an*nymo*s u*er, approved by Log