Welly full of water fleas
What David Jones ended up with when we got bored on yet another fucking trip to the local country park to sift the pond for poxy whirligig beetles and cunting caddis fly larvae.
written by Le*gh L*, approved by Log
Slightly better than a welly full of leeches, which is precisely what one girl got on the Year 4 pond dipping excursion.
So David Jones got off lightly. Leeches suck your blood, you know, whereas water fleas only give you a mild nip that hardly even breaks the skin.
So David Jones got off lightly. Leeches suck your blood, you know, whereas water fleas only give you a mild nip that hardly even breaks the skin.
written by Zo* S., approved by Matt
In a bid to stop me biting my nails, my parents bought me a jar of 'Stop 'n' Grow', a foul-tasting but invisible preparation to be forcibly painted on one's nails, thereby rendering them less attractive to the tooth.
One lunchtime I reasoned it would be a terrific wheeze to paint Stop 'n' Grow onto the ends of everybody's pens and pencils while they were out in the playground. My rookie mistake was to immediately tell a large handful of classmates - well, it wouldn't be any fun if I kept it to myself, would it? Loyal foot soldiers Christina Bradwell and Helen Schnitzler found out and grassed. Everybody was warned not to suck the ends of their pens, and I got my first ever strokes of the cane.
Still think it was a rock idea, though.
This entry gets in (despite its inexplicable submission under 'Welly Full of Water Fleas') because I was similarly forced to undergo the torture of the foul Stop 'n' Grow. The terror of the stuff will make you bite your nails to the quick - or not, of course. - Conor
One lunchtime I reasoned it would be a terrific wheeze to paint Stop 'n' Grow onto the ends of everybody's pens and pencils while they were out in the playground. My rookie mistake was to immediately tell a large handful of classmates - well, it wouldn't be any fun if I kept it to myself, would it? Loyal foot soldiers Christina Bradwell and Helen Schnitzler found out and grassed. Everybody was warned not to suck the ends of their pens, and I got my first ever strokes of the cane.
Still think it was a rock idea, though.
This entry gets in (despite its inexplicable submission under 'Welly Full of Water Fleas') because I was similarly forced to undergo the torture of the foul Stop 'n' Grow. The terror of the stuff will make you bite your nails to the quick - or not, of course. - Conor
written by si*on *antle, approved by Conor
After several weeks of use, one can develop a taste for Stop and Grow. I ate tons of the stuff.
written by Bo* R*dley, approved by Matt
Law of the Playground Uncovered: By way of a response to someone who asked recently how the approval process works, here we've included an editorial conversation regarding this submission. See? We genuinely do care, and we rigorously look at entries from all the angles before approving them.
Jesus, you people... I submitted this Stop 'n' Grow entry about six months ago, and can assure you I did not do so under "Welly full of water fleas". Maybe the people directing traffic on this site are the same mongs who cack-handedly sub-edited my original submission and made me sound like a trans-Atlantic cross between Dirty Harry ("rookie mistake" - wtf??) and a Viz character. Cunts. Simon M.
Matt: Conor, he's talking to YOU.
Conor: What a cunt! He should be fucking grateful we even looked at his shitty spack-handed entry and turned it into something halfway readable. Shall I approve this or just delete it?
Matt: You could put a news article on the front page that says "Simon M is a CUNT".
Mansh: Hey you guys - chill out! Can't we just all get along?
Ponky: Up your bottom, Grandad.
Log: I like lucozade
Phil: Get off me. Just get OFF me.
Jesus, you people... I submitted this Stop 'n' Grow entry about six months ago, and can assure you I did not do so under "Welly full of water fleas". Maybe the people directing traffic on this site are the same mongs who cack-handedly sub-edited my original submission and made me sound like a trans-Atlantic cross between Dirty Harry ("rookie mistake" - wtf??) and a Viz character. Cunts. Simon M.
Matt: Conor, he's talking to YOU.
Conor: What a cunt! He should be fucking grateful we even looked at his shitty spack-handed entry and turned it into something halfway readable. Shall I approve this or just delete it?
Matt: You could put a news article on the front page that says "Simon M is a CUNT".
Mansh: Hey you guys - chill out! Can't we just all get along?
Ponky: Up your bottom, Grandad.
Log: I like lucozade
Phil: Get off me. Just get OFF me.
written by an*nymou* u*er, approved by Ponky