P.E. teachers, more of the same
Having managed to buy a copy of Viz from a newsagent who didn't realise it was rude, I took it to school to impress people.
It was promptly confiscated by a P.E. teacher who, at the end of the day, gave it back with a grin and an angerless "you little scamp" tousle of my hair.
Within a second of him turning around, the other P.E. teacher confiscated it and kept it for an entire week.
How come one P.E. teacher managed to struggle through it in the course of only a single day, whilst the other took a week to mouth-breath his way through it?

Top 5 Reasons it might take a PE teacher a week to read Viz:
  1. His fists are so clenched with perpetual rage that he has to turn the pages clumsily with his knuckles.
  2. Every time he gets a joke, he has to take it to his girlfriend and say "that naughty cos the man dun poo wen he sed he wuddunt".
  3. He spent three days staring at the Vibrating Bum-Faced Goats before deciding it didn't make him want to wank.
  4. In a moment of hungry confusion, he ate the Viz, and it took him a week to buy another because "doing things is like riddles".
  5. He stupid.
written by Ji*bo B*, approved by Log

Mr W. summoned the school football team one lunchtime for the first training session. Attendance was poor, and getting annoyed at this, he launched into a diatribe, haranguing those of us who actually showed up.
Mr. W: "Listen, if you're not going to put the effort in, it's not worth even having a team."
Me: "Uh, Mr. W, we are here, it's the others who need to know this."
Mr. W (un-derailed by mere relevance): "I've put so much effort in, and for you not to show up is a sign of disrespect."
Me: "No, but we did show up."
Mr. W continued in this vein for some time. No wonder he was only a P.E. teacher.
written by Li*tle B*st*rd, approved by Matt