Green crumpets
Mark Prenton spewed magnificently during a film showing. Upon questioning, he revealed that he'd eaten green crumpets for breakfast because "that's all there was" to eat.

written by excluded pupil, approved by Ponky

That's a terribly sad story, that Green Crumpets.
In my junior school we had a runty kid called Peter O'Neill who smelled of piss and who used to dry out the front of his trousers against the radiator.
One Christmas he got an orange. An orange. For fuck's sake.
written by he*ry*the*thirs*, approved by Matt