you boy!!
A fire had been started in the library during afternoon break. Mr Welch, deputy head, wasn't happy with this and called an immediate assembly in order to capture the culprit. A full half hour of shouting abuse followed from the funny little Mr Welch who got progressively more and more angry and red in the face. We just sat there in silence until Neil asked Chris the time. Mr Welch heard this break of silence, stared at Neil and tried to shout "YOU BOY!" while pointing at him. Unfortunately his anger took control of his legs and propelled him forward, off the stage, and into a group of frightened first years at the front of the hall. For the next year, the whole school proceeded to fall off various things, shouting "YOU BOY!" Indeed, the process was revived when I met up with old school friends at college 5 or 6 years later.
written by An*y G*iffi*, approved by Log
An idiot named Dave Smith donned a Halloween mask and actually tried to rob a local store. The cashier (also from our school) recognized his voice and said, "Dave? Is that you?" Dave replied, "No it's not me! Give me your money!" He was, of course, arrested, and to this day, whenever someone in the group hears the phrase "What's the holdup?" we shout "Dave Smith!!"
written by He*di*Cra*tree, approved by Susan
One afternoon everybody at my (boys) school was summoned to a special assembly by the headmaster. He was furious, literally shaking with rage.
"Now, you may have heard rumours of an... incident... between two members of the college last night," he began.
Cue a collective "Oooooooh..." from the pupils.
"This sort of behaviour is utterly unacceptable in civilised society, and rest assured, the offender has been severely punished."
400 kids lean forwards trembling with prurient interest.
"Let me set the scene. X, a member of my prefect team, enticed young Y (a year nine) into his room with the promise of sweets."
Breaths are bated. Surely not? Surely?
"Once getting him in the room, X locked the door so Y could not escape. He reached into his trousers, and pulled out..."
400 kids all desperately think "Please say cock please say cock"
"A BB gun!"
Cue chorus of disappointed moans.
This assembly led to the only example I can think of of a year nine being repeatedly beaten up because he HADN'T been raped. Tsk, public schools, eh?
"Now, you may have heard rumours of an... incident... between two members of the college last night," he began.
Cue a collective "Oooooooh..." from the pupils.
"This sort of behaviour is utterly unacceptable in civilised society, and rest assured, the offender has been severely punished."
400 kids lean forwards trembling with prurient interest.
"Let me set the scene. X, a member of my prefect team, enticed young Y (a year nine) into his room with the promise of sweets."
Breaths are bated. Surely not? Surely?
"Once getting him in the room, X locked the door so Y could not escape. He reached into his trousers, and pulled out..."
400 kids all desperately think "Please say cock please say cock"
"A BB gun!"
Cue chorus of disappointed moans.
This assembly led to the only example I can think of of a year nine being repeatedly beaten up because he HADN'T been raped. Tsk, public schools, eh?
written by Ed*Th*mas, approved by Matt