Report for greg is best
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SummaryExemplary Child

Daniel Kelly wore wellies ALL DAY. His dad was a monkey with a trophy wife who had failed miserably to produce non-mong progeny. Daniel it was discovered, had a special relationship with his cat. However, his simian cock must have been too much for the poor pussy, as, lo, we found the wretched thing wandering folornly outside his house mewing softly and trying unsuccessfuly to withdraw the biro that was protruding from its arse. mi-OW!

Also the Scottish expression wee toley means turtle's head. So as long as you're in Scotland, you can say "Oh, so ye cannae sit fae yer wee toley?", without anyone replying what the fuck are you talking about?