| Report for Anna Williams | |
|---|---|
| Approved stories | 2 |
| Rejected stories | 2 |
| Deleted stories (hidden) | 3 |
| Summary | Mean Boy |
Our school's version was slightly better:
There was once a young girl of thirteen...
(type '13' into the calculator)
...who had eighty-four boobs...
(type '84' into the calculator)
...and understandably, wanted to get rid of some of them. She decided to rid herself of forty-five of them.
(type '45' into the calculator)
So she sought the advice of her doctor, who said 'Oh...'
(type '0' into the calculator)
'...I can cure this, no problem. I'll write you a prescription, and then all you need to do is take two...'
(type '2' into the calculator)
'...of these pills daily, which will make you lose a breast a day.'
The young girl wanted to speed the process up somewhat, so she took four times the recommended dose.
(press the multiplication sign, then type in '4')
She ended up...
(press = and turn the calculator upside down)
There was once a young girl of thirteen...
(type '13' into the calculator)
...who had eighty-four boobs...
(type '84' into the calculator)
...and understandably, wanted to get rid of some of them. She decided to rid herself of forty-five of them.
(type '45' into the calculator)
So she sought the advice of her doctor, who said 'Oh...'
(type '0' into the calculator)
'...I can cure this, no problem. I'll write you a prescription, and then all you need to do is take two...'
(type '2' into the calculator)
'...of these pills daily, which will make you lose a breast a day.'
The young girl wanted to speed the process up somewhat, so she took four times the recommended dose.
(press the multiplication sign, then type in '4')
She ended up...
(press = and turn the calculator upside down)
A slightly less punishing variant at my primary school was 'caribou'. Whenever anyone (you or someone else) audibly farted, you would put the thumbs of your outstretched hands just above your ears to look like moose antlers, and say 'caribou!'. The last person to say it got a painful nose/ear tweak.
If you felt exceptionally nasty, you could bluff by saying caribou when nobody had farted, and claim you had done a silent one if challenged.
If you felt exceptionally nasty, you could bluff by saying caribou when nobody had farted, and claim you had done a silent one if challenged.
We had a different version. There was a girl who was "13" and she wanted to be "84". When she was "45" she went to the doctors and the doctor said 'oh' ("0") take these pills "2" times ("x") a day but she took them "4" times (don't press times this time) and she ended up ("=")... If you miss out the "0" then the poor girl ends up "bobless"
Readers! An intriguing conundrum for you now. Two wholly unrelated submissions landed with a 'whump' recently, both bearing the title 'Geordie Racer'. So, was Geordie Racer a short-lived kids drama, or a crap computer game? Or possibly even both? Answers on the back of a pack of Sovereigns to the usual address. Firstly, from Anna Williams:
At primary school in the late eighties, bored children were forced to watch a drama series about a geordie kid and his prized pigeon, 'Blue flash'. No-one I've spoken to can remember the plot, but it caused my entire class to shriek "Blue flash!" in a falsetto geordie accent every time they saw a bird zoom across the playground.
And an alternate theory from the imaginatively-monikered Mary Woozley:
A shitty computer game, which required you to choose one of three pigeons, and then come up with as many words as possible using the letters in said pigeon's name. However, the sheer rubbishness of the game meant that it would accept almost any combination of letters, provided the pigeon's name had them all. Naturally, everybody chose the pigeon Bonny, and typed in 'nob'.
At primary school in the late eighties, bored children were forced to watch a drama series about a geordie kid and his prized pigeon, 'Blue flash'. No-one I've spoken to can remember the plot, but it caused my entire class to shriek "Blue flash!" in a falsetto geordie accent every time they saw a bird zoom across the playground.
And an alternate theory from the imaginatively-monikered Mary Woozley:
A shitty computer game, which required you to choose one of three pigeons, and then come up with as many words as possible using the letters in said pigeon's name. However, the sheer rubbishness of the game meant that it would accept almost any combination of letters, provided the pigeon's name had them all. Naturally, everybody chose the pigeon Bonny, and typed in 'nob'.