Combination of the bundle (a.k.a. pile on, all pile on, bundlefly project) and the jewfinder general technique of rolling a penny along the floor. The picker up of the penny is the jew - and everyone jumps on them. A harsher version is where the penny is thrown at the potential Jew, and they are covered in boys if it hits them.

At nine years old, word reached our rural primary school of the existence of amazing characters called 'Jews'. David Nichol explained: they looked just like you and me - the only difference being that if you threw a penny at them, they would pick it up.

Word got around about these Jews, in utter isolation from reality. Those two worlds colliding during a Nativity service, when James Dunlop read from the New Testament. He managed to finish 'he shall be King of the Jews' before collapsing into laughter, along with the angels and choir.

Pre-school insult. If someone calls you out after calling someone a jewy jewy guff guff for being anti-semitic, you should become extremely indignant and point out that jewy jewy isn't an insult at all, and you'd be perfectly happy to share your Capri-Sun with them, if they weren't such a guff guff. In fact, if you think jewy jewy guff guff is anti-semitic, that makes YOU the bigot.

Probably not an insult to be used after the age of five, in case people think of you as a little childish.

'Jimmy is Satan' was written in 8-foot-high letters on the wall of the sports hall wall one day. They resisted all attempts to remove them. On a clear day they glowed.

They were rumoured to be the work of school nutcase Archie, who had previously achieved fame by burning a huge 'shit happens' face on the cricket square with weedkiller.

'Jimmy' may have been a reference to the deputy head, an indestructible 80-year-old Welshman who climbed mountains and got stung by a scorpion with no ill-effects.

Prophetic warning or drug-addled nightmare? The police weren't sympathetic in the end. Archie is now in prison.

The last person's voice to completely break can be mocked for sounding like Jimmy Saville; forget that two weeks ago the classroom sounded like some demented Saville menagerie.

A game in which you and a friend take adjacent elevators to the top floor of a building, agreeing that when you get there you will jump out and shout "jingo bingo!" without even looking. It is a race, but there are never any hard feelings; somehow the shouting of "jingo bingo!" reduces the competitive edge. Plus, if it is a draw you both get to jump out of lifts shouting "jingo bingo" together, which is a rare pleasure. If you win the race but do not shout "jingo bingo!" then you lose - you should shout it loud enough for your opponent to hear you in their lift.

I'm submitting this because I keep trying to jinx people, and they either don't know what I'm talking about, or stubbornly refuse to stop talking until I say their full name.
So, this is the deal, right? If we say the same thing at the same time, I get to say jinx. And that means you can't talk until I say your name. If you do talk, I get to punch your arm. OK? So don't look all hurt and angry when I punch you. You broke a jinx, you deserve it.
Consider this posting a formal notice, served to the world.

Replacement for "cheers". See also "fuck you very much".

Jebus is the son of Jod. If you disobey Jebus' teachings you will go to Jell, although a place in Jeaven waits for the virtuous. The religion's primary text features characters such as Joses, and Jubus, from whom important lessons can be learned about the human condition. Eventually, after long weeks of meditation and spiritual contemplation, I became Jobo, the Hobo Son of Jod Almighty.

Early-mid 1980's figure of tragedy and fun. See here.

John Doyle - a stereotypical heavy-metal kid with long, greasy hair, unwashed, would have loved Red Dwarf right up to series seven, and who spent ten minutes in front of his wardrobe every morning, deciding which of his 25 identical Motorhead T-Shirts to wear.

1. Whilst dating a girl, he was invited to dinner at her parents. Becoming excited, John enquired of his lady companion - "Can you feel my lovebuzz?"
2. With the same girlfriend, he went to some forest on her birthday. They were sitting down talking when suddenly, he stands up, cock out, with a boner and shouts "HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" He then proceeds to chase girlfriend round the forest with his boner, probably all sped up with 'Yakkety Sax' playing in the background.
3. He would only ever phone you whilst taking a shit or having a bath. Which would you prefer? The splash of turd 'gainst wawa? Or the idea that he might be tugging idly at his balls and thinking "HELLOOOOOOOOOOO!"?
4. My mate Ray went to John's house. His mother had a French friend over, called Pierre. John didn't know him. When Ray went to use the unlocked toilet, he discovered John's mum and Pierre have a bath together; giggling, soapy, nude and entirely unapologetic. John explained that it happened all the time. Not the bath thing... his mother having friends over.
5. On a non-uniform day, Doyle made a T-shirt which was spattered in faux-blood and had "PEOPLE HATE ME" written across the front. There is not one person in any school that could pull off that T-shirt without looking, and being told that they looked, a cunt.

Half of these stories are thanks to the fact that girls dating John usually felt so ashamed at the end of it that they had to tell everyone all the stories, as a kind of confessional.

Another attender at St Augustines Kilburn. Where do I start? A true legend. He was slightly deaf (so everyone used to call him John PARDON!), he claimed his cousin was the sax player in Spandau Ballet. He claimed to have two "little sisters" who were to blame for him forgetting his PE kit, and taking a long time to return things you'd lent him. This turned out to be a lie. We used to keep telling him his dog was dead and he sometimes used to believe it and go and ask to phone his Mum to check. Once wet himself whilst queuing up to throw a javelin. He used to know the name of every capital city of every country but would always get fooled by Mexico (Mexico city). We ended up making country names to baffle him. He would freak out if you tried to talk to him and he couldn't see your mouth (to do with deafness?) so the whole of the 5th year was spent with people going up to him with their blazers hiding their mouths and mumbling "Your dogs dead". He got revenge by turning up four years later at random times every saturday for about 3 months. He's spend about three hours talking crap and would always borrow something (or leave something behind) so he had an excuse to come back. He stopped coming after my sister told him I'd run away from home (despite my scooter being parked in front of the house). Last seen in one the top dance music shops in London where he asked them if they had "the living years" by Mike and the Mechanics. He was told to "fuck off to our price". Was learning to be a london cabbie when I last heard from him.

And indeed he did, constantly.

He also once asked me to look behind his cupboard as he had "something special" for me. It was a turd. His turd. He proudly stated that he had done it there earlier that day as a thoughtful surprise gift for me.

I took great joy telling my friend this after she drunkenly snogged him 12 years later. She refused to confirm if he tasted of snotters.

Sigh. I KNOW. - Mansh

The year - between 1987 and 1989. Still reeling from the revelations of Cerebral Palsy (see Joey Deacon), John's Not Mad gave us Tourette's Syndrome.
It followed the life of a boy who simply couldn't stop swearing, thanks to a disease. As it was educational, none of the swearing was censored. His mother dropped a plant pot and spilled some soil - John came out with "mum, you cunt". The supermarket scenes were also a gutter treat.
At this time, state-sanctioned crudity was rare, and we loved it.
John was locked into the cupboard by his teacher because he wouldn't stop swearing. This is even funnier - imagine an OFSTED inspection with a cupboard that is wobbling and swearing!
Inspector : What is in that cupboard?
Teacher : It is a wobbling swearing cupboard, like the wobbling swearing plant out of The Adventure Game.
Inspector : Very good. Take it out and burn it.
Teacher : But... but...
Inspector : But nothing - burn it now! Here are the matches, burn it now in front of me!
Teacher : OK. I suppose.
The day after John's Not Mad was the filthiest day of playground talk I can ever recall. It is still surprising that so many children actually watched a documentary... To hear scenes, click here.

Another name for a circumcised boy, the foreskin being 50% of the weight, volume, and joy of the male sexual organ, or winkle.

Our PE teacher described the rugby team from our local Catholic school as 'the johnnydodgers.' Although we knew damn well what a Johnny was, we lacked a subtle appreciation of the Vatican's view on contraception, and so were mystified, frankly.

If you like a lot of chocolate on your biscuit join our club!
But on joining this club, you didn't get a chocolate biscuit, or an after school activity. And it was 50p to join and you could only join when asked by another member. In fact, all you did was march around the playground with linked arms trying to get more people to give 50p to Dennis Chambers.

1. verb. To get entirely inside a massive coat and rolling down a hill.

2. From jostle. Surges of hundreds of schoolchildren through a narrow corridor. All wanting to get to class on time, but on the other hand, all wanting to kill each other. Ideal for gettin a good grope in.

The regularity of Torr & Torridge's calamities led to every journey being known as a roulette of death and calamity.

• The giant rear side window falling out after being slightly leant on.
• We ended up at a 45 degree angle in a ditch, for no better reason than the driver was just crap.
• We hit the support strut for a porch, which promptly fell down. Needless to say, the driver didn't stop. Or make any gesture of acknowledgement.
• The driver pulled out in front of one of those tractors with the huge spike on the front, which ripped down the entire side of the bus.
  Thanks, Torr and Torridge, for dozens of scenes of mild peril.

No definition offered.

Ripe abuse-fodder Julian was unfailingly clean and tidy, spoke respectfully to teachers, did his homework on time, passed his exams, and practiced playing the cello in his lunchbreaks. By the age of 14, he was also a Karate expert.
Julian became a cult hero to the rest of the geeks, as inevitable attempts by the school bullies to disrupt his cello practice were met with near-lethal force.
Legend has it that Bruce Lee was captain of the school chess team. Chuck Norris often voluntered to stay behind after lessons and clean the blackboard properly with a wet cloth. - Ponky

My imaginary girlfriend, possessed of psychic abilities and thus more interesting than everyone else's imaginary girlfriends, who were invariably nymphomaniac supermodels.

In an ironic twist, the bitch dumped me when she discovered I was thinking about other women.

A Trevor or Bronno who wears the clothes of others. Usually inferred from overt signs of poverty (tousled hair, Blue Riband biscuits), as it was hard to tell from the clothes themselves.

A game which takes place after a child has been sick in the sandpit. Cover the sick in sand, and jump over the sick, again and again, screaming and imagining what it'd be like if you landed in the sick. It'd be really gross and exciting like fannies.

A less playful variant involved rolling a child in the sick.

Two people would grab a smaller boy and pin him to the ground. One would sit on his chest whilst the other held his hands. Then there would be a terrible fire in the jungle which was just to the left of Philip and all the animals would have to escape across the only bridge, which was Phil's chest. First of all came the ants which were relatively painless. Then the mice and so on up to the elephants whose heavy feet caused a lot of sternum damage. Among the best escapees were the lions and tigers with their sharp claws and the kamikaze butterflies who would hover for a while before crashing with sickening force. Also very painful were the electric nipple-cripple ants who only came along in extended versions of Jungle Beats.