the scary mix of half chave, half tyrant that is the dinner lady, these coulorfly named failo gcse'o (fail-e-o gcse-o) are the bane of any intelegent child with the gruel that you do not know what it is and the strange hair nets, these are the ruiners of many a breaktime for me and my freind.

You wrote "wiv". You total fucking twat.

a boy called sean got really pissed off wiv my mate and did a full on 2 footed dropkick on my mate.

it broke his nose and gave him concussion.

i thought it was well funny till i realised i had locked my bike up wiv him and , since he had gone to hospital, coulnd get my bike i had to walk home.

and it was pissing rain.

Eh? Fucking EH?

He of the spectacular falls and spills, all without injury.

17 year old friend of mine told a story of how he tasted his own jiz. He was having a wank and sneezed as he was finishing, this resulted in the product flying into his mouth. He's a nice fella.

Screen shots in a user guide I wrote under protest have R.Sole as the tenant name in every one

while in science the teacher had to go to the toilet, so leaving us to our own devises (allways a mistake at towneley high )we noticed that he had left his jacket on the back of his chair.at this what ells could we do but to get all the lads in class to wipe their foreskin on it and all the girls to either spit or wipe thire noses on it .from that day on he was known as stilton coat

If you were unlucky enough to have a Surname that sounded a bit weird you would get the piss ripped out of you.
For Example there was this girl at my scholl called Lucy Fordham and whenever she walked through any corridor everyone used to shout Foreskin, Foreskin.

Definitely mine, this one.

Me and my best friend loved stressing out are favourite teacher..we would ask simple questions were the answer was obvious...One day we simply went so what do you do at greek club and through gritted teeth Mrs rowe went teaach them greek..then rudly she went a small core of yoy need to sort yourselves out..directing it straight at us...We have never got other that day me and my bestest ever mate

hey hey hey ! :)

Magnificent

a

Roger myers,
that's the name of my older brother. Nothing special about that you might think, until you realise it was also the name of a spazzy mongo in a film which every class in every year had to watch for some insane reason in some sort of class about growing up.
Nobody i have spoken to remembers what the fuck it was about because they were all too busy laughing and taking the piss, out of me.
For some reason, in the parts where i grew up, it was worse to be related to a mong, than it was to be monged.

explain that one then. Please.

We were safely playing football using a tennis ball when the ball went over the fence. We were forbidden to venture over the fence & so we continued playing using a rock. It all started to go wrong when the goalkeepers started throwing the 'ball' at the feet of opposing players. This escalated until every member of both sides was in goal hurling rocks at the other goalmouth. Did we think this was less 'against the rules' than simply getting our tennis ball back from the other side of the fence!? Madness.

You beauty. You absolute beauty.

I was on a retreat with my friends and we all slept in th same room, me and the lads. Then in the middle of the night, we started talking about fit girls and stuff but then we all needed the toilet so we went and did our business...except for James Gill! We all came back into the bedroom and there James was...dancing naked with his little cock hanging out and he did this for several minutes. About 10 mins later, he did this again.Me, in disgust shouted fannybasher, alerting the teacher, who came in and saw him dancing away. Until James realised, we stayed silent, but when he knew what the teacher saw, we BURST OUT LAUGHING!!!!! A CLASSIC MOMENT

A remarkable young man because of three qualities;

First of all, his pallid and unhealthy complexion;
Secondly, for those of us who survived the visual onslaught, an equally unpleasant and unhealthy demeanour, proven by the fact that: Thirdly, he deliberatley and cruelly used the repugnant smell of his breath (which I remember as a vicious blend of cheese, garlic and faeces) as a weapon against friend and foe alike.

I used to think that given his array of special moves (which as well as the aforementioned include scribbling on every page of Paul Wright's new exercise book for no reason and showing no remorse) he would make a particularly formidable boss character in the SNES's StreetFighter II (more specifically, for those of you that remember, somewhere between Sagat and Vega.)

Ironically enough, though it was lost on most of us at the time, Adie shared his name with a species of herb (Petroselinum crispum) renowned in apothecarial circles for its breath-freshening properties. Funny old world...

A classic of its genre

we had a kid in our class called treey eadie,

we aslo had a teacher very lame teacher for georgraphy,
this resulted in terry first telling her to piss off
then throwing his peciel at her
then his pencil case
then his book
then his text book
then the table

all he got told to do was stand outside the classroom

possibly worthy of a mention for speling alone

I am not entirly sure what this means, i can only assume that it means the person being called this eats through their but. i was first called it by my brother (when he was aged 10),this insult was shortly followed by bumfluff but at least that makes sense.
this all goes to prove that all 10 year old boys have an obsesion with buts (or at least my brother does).

this is pretty easy. go to the bathroom and pretend like you are vomiiting the get a friend to go to the bathrroom. that friend should tell the teacher you are sick. you might owe your friend oral after this

german teacher! shes ok but the lads in our classn didnt seem to think so. the computer room was a purfect oppurtunity to show her this and as her desk has the only printer on it a guy in our class decides to print a swassiger onto it! CLASSY! she didnt tihnk so

I was in The Music Room Trio. Well actually me and two friends went into a music room and played some Nirvana songs, but only one of us (Danny S.) could play an instrument. We were:
Me - Vocals
Danny S. - Guitar
Danny T. - Bass Drum

all mine...

When I was about 8 years old I had twelve girlfriends at the same time, we never did anything rude, god forbid I would have puked, but they were still my birds it was like a bloody hareme, none of them ever got jealous or anything. Actually, come to think of it I do remember Polly Kirby showing me her fanny once.

i said to my friend sean, can u smell fish... were is your mum? he walked off cos he is a twat... later on my mate threw a brick at us in the bus stop and it smashed the window

The greatest game ever invented! Me an a small group of friends invented it, it involved keeping a base ball or rounders ball in the air by hitting it upwards with are bare hands in a group. The ball could not be hit by the same player consecutivly. As a result of tip it one of my friends broke his hand. No actually no's were the name came from>

Me and my mates have great fun hedge hoopping and we have sevral routes around our village we don't climb fences but or jump over fences but we do creep around peoples garden which great fun mainly they are short cut

It is always a bit of a joke when someone gets there arse out when they are pissed up. Most of the time it goes down well with the ladys my brother Neil thought this too, ha but not this time. Neil has away with the lady's, well if asking a lady if his arse is dead hairy and speading his crack as wide as possible exposing his "Clitty Bum" is a way with the lady's then good luck. A clitty bum is a clit that is stuck on a persons [Neil's] arse hole. O and yes his arse is dead hairy.

(when completing a SAT question about hit singles)

"george michael? did he paint that ceiling of that church?"

I visited the sistine chaper last year, inscribed under 'the creatin of man' is, I can vouch, 'guilty feet have got no rhythm' so I can only presume that this is true

This entry gives me the horn. The horn I tell you. Paul, you are shit.